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No Returns Accepted
Shhhh- come here- no come closer- I have a very disturbing secret to tell you. This is going to be extremely shocking to some of you, but I’m not perfect. Nope I’m not perfect and never have been. As a matter of fact- it seems most of my most severe defects came from birth. My parents tried to give me a warning label, but the Department of Family and Children Services said it was just too cruel. When I met my future husband they did their best to warn him. They spent the year before the marriage making sure he knew every defect before he said “I do”. I think they were petrified he would say “I do” and feel duped and try to bring me back. In Southern society you truly are never considered a “REAL” adult til you get married and someone else has to take responsibility and go get you when you break down on the side of the road. It had taken them 30 years to get someone to take me off their hands and pick me up and they certainly didn’t want me back- especially with little ones in tow. Luckily he was and is stubborn and has a quirky sense of humor so we survive.
Now I have always said that parasites (or children for those of you who are nicer than me) are just God’s way of laughing at you while he shows you all of your own strengths and weakness magnified by a thousand every day. Now that I am through with the diapers, the cherub faced toddlers, and almost through the elementary years I am realizing there is actually light at the end of the tunnel. Now I used to think the light at the end of the tunnel meant I, and they, would survive the teenage years and they would pack their stuff and leave for college with a kiss on the cheek and a swift kick on the backside. Now that I can see the pinprick of light I am actually realizing that the end of the tunnel actually probably means getting them through college and hopefully mated off for life.
This has started me thinking about making their own warning labels. I’ve raised them and since many of their most annoying defects seem to be inherited from me -who better to write them? The list so far sounds a little like this:
1) Unless you install self closing cabinet doors and drawers in your house they will always remain open
2) Yes they see the toilet paper holder, but the cabinet next to the toilet and the back of the toilet are perfectly acceptable places to for it to sit. Hey- it avoids the fight over if it rolls off the top or bottom.
3) Piles of random stuff are an perfectly acceptable organization method
4) King size beds are designed for only a twin sized portion to be slept on
5) You may take a cold shower at some point in your marriage because the gas bill was accidentally forgotten to be paid
6) They will borrow your car because theirs is too dirty for anyone else to see
Now many people consider these traits lazy, but in their defense (mainly mine) they just seem to be trivial when your brain has already wondered off to the next task. My brain wonders off a lot so I’m usually lucky if I ever finish a whole task. I opened the cabinet and got the glass so now my brain has moved on to getting something to drink- the closing of the cabinet just never entered the equation. I got the toilet paper and now I need to use it- putting it on the roll holder just didn’t go in the order of what needed to be done. I have the money to pay it so I can just do it tomorrow. They just get mad and turn it off when you say I’ll do it tomorrow for about 60 days. Who knew it took three days to turn it back on? Everyone else turns them back on the same day so that one only took once. 🙂
I think after raising our parasites most parents start to understand arranged marriages – we have more wisdom and can see the issue’s coming a mile away. Alas- we are doomed to watch them make them same mistakes and pray for the right one to come along. I just pray that after I warn their future mates that they have picked and brought home to mama that they will get a twinkle in their eye, giggle and say “I love closing cabinet doors, putting toilet paper on the roll, organizing piles, snuggling, taking cold showers, and cleaning cars” to which I will lovingly reply “You are the one and keep that sense of humor you may need it. Oh and by the way- you have been warned so no returns accepted!!”
I’m Above the Weather
So I missed a day writing yesterday because I was under the weather. Not that I have ever understood the term under the weather. Why can’t we just say sick? Under the weather sounds like I was playing in the rain. What in the world does weather have to do with my throat hurting and running a fever. Speaking of strange terms- exactly where is my fever running? Did it sign up for a marathon and not tell me? If it did- I’m not going without a scary clown with a knife chasing me
Oh sorry- I wandered off- back to point! So I was sick yesterday (not under the weather- what ever that means) and took a day off of writing. Actually I took the day off of everything. It’s hard to accomplish much while your fever is running a marathon. Oops- wandering again.
It’s amazing the things you actually notice when you are not capable of human interaction and are stuck with daytime TV and the internet. I actually can just lay in my bed now with a smartphone and know everything that is going on in the world with a swipe of my finger. Here’s a few things I learned while I was under the weather:
1) Someone is notoriously complaining abut the weather. Now granted – it is Spring in the South which is a little schizophrenic. In the last thirty six hours we have successfully gone from 70 degree’s to 20. I actually saw snow/sun today. I’ve always heard of the “Devil Beating his Wife’ when it’s raining and the sun is shining so I guess we’ll just call that the Devil Beating Jack Frost. Hey- don’t freak out- I left out the word off.
2) There are A Lot of religious people. I am a believer that everyone should be religious and rejoice in their beliefs. We live in a land of religious freedom and you should always be able to worship freely and share those beliefs. But come on now- who are some of you fooling? If there were as many religious people as I see on Facebook, TV, and the internet there wouldn’t be an empty pew in the nation. FYI – I’m not talking to anyone in particular, but if you got offended – it wasn’t really at me.
3) People on both sides take their politics waaaaay too seriously. There is nothing like seeing the posts on occasions where people have been unfriended or have unfriended someone because of a difference in political views on Facebook. Now granted I do believe we all take things too seriously and no one seems to know the art of debating anymore without turning into a two year old and insulting each other. Most debates now sound more like “You’re a poo poo head!!” “No- You’re a poo poo head!” Those debates always go well and usually end up with a “MOM” being yelled which is hard when the participants are in their 40’s. What tickles me about these debates is they are not hard to avoid in the first place. If you watch closely you should always know their political beliefs based on their posts anyway. If they post them daily exactly what is going through your mind that makes you think your arguments are gonna change them anyway? Trust me- you’re not that good!! Why do they have to believe what you do anyway? Let them rant- if it bugs you that much when they post pictures of their kids- quietly make fun of them and be glad yours are better looking.
4) There seems to be very few independent thoughts anymore. I remember when Facebook started most posts were of the people on Facebook’s life. You could keep up with friends who you no longer saw. You heard what was going on in their lives, saw their families, and saw how well or badly they’ve aged. Oh come on now, admit it- there are a least a few you’ve looked at and said “Phew- at least I aged better than that” Now if you have a Facebook go back to your page when you are done and look I bet approximately 3/4 of everything on the page is a share of something else. You don’t really need to talk to anyone anymore just look at the things they’ve shared. They will tell you everything you need to know about their religion, their politics, their social awareness, what their family does, and their sense of humor. I’m guilty too because some things are just too funny to me not to share, but we miss hearing about your lives. I like seeing your kids and families (even the ugly ones) I think reality is always comic and I miss the reality so if you would post us something from just you soon. Unless you wanna share this and then by all means go right ahead 🙂
5) There are a lot of people cooking very good food and none are sharing with me. As I laid in my bed I saw and heard about lunches and dinners. As I lay there eating tomato soup and banana Popsicle’s (Yes I know I’m weird, but that’s another story) I saw all this wonderful food. I saw sushi, hamburgers wrapped in bacon, waffles, cookie cakes, muffins, salads, and casseroles. I heard about pot roast, chicken alfredo, and steak and potatoes. All of this made me hungry so I turned on the TV – lo and behold- more food! When did 1/2 the shows on TV start to be cooking shows? I’m shocked we are a society moving toward obese- all we do is talk about food. It’s not that hard to cook like a professional if you just watch cooking shows all day. I’ve always said I could be too, but until I get a sous chef they are getting hamburger helper. All that chopping is exhausting. You would think at least one of the parasites would of stepped up by now, but no such luck. I can’t tell some days of they are lazy are just like my crappy food. Either way- they aren’t starving nor or they obese so I’m going with cooking crappy food is good for them. If you’re not going to share your food with me- It’s my justification and I’m sticking to it!
I’m finally starting to feel better again so maybe tomorrow I’ll get back out in the real world and see what I can learn amusing while I’m above the weather.
Tag You’re It
I have a lot of friends out there that have only one child. I can’t even imagine the bliss of having just one. If there are two of you raising this one child you can hand them off to each other like a game of tag. OK- I’m done- tag you’re it. Someone will always have the attention span to be obsessed with there daily activities and ramblings. I’m even jealous some days of the parents with just two. Not being outnumbered seems cool too. I’m pretty sure my three parasites have learned that if they all bombard me at once I will mess up at least one out of the three answers. Even when I try saying go ask your dad- I can only get rid of one which leaves me still trying to have two conversations and out numbered. I have learned me out numbered is always better than dad outnumbered because multitasking for him is more difficult. When he gets out numbered the next conversation goes something like this:
Parasite 1: “But Dad said I could I go to the party and leave at one am”
Me: Look of disgust in hubby’s general direction
Dad: “No I did not”
Parasite 2: “Yes you did – you gave him permission at the same time you told me I could wear the tub top”
Me: Same look of disgust- but adding in the standard “Really?”
Dad: “No I did not”
Parasite 3: “Yes you did- you also told me you were gonna build me the skateboard ramp I wanted that’s 6 feet tall”
Me: Look of disgust turns to in general disbelief and I just hang my head knowing the very next statements coming
Dad: “Well I obviously wasn’t paying attention so it’s a no to all of the above and ask your mother”
The funniest thing about raising multiple parasites is their vast differences in personalities. They were all created the same way (maybe not in the same positions, but in the same way). They each grew in my belly for 9 months. I went to the hospital and pushed or had them cut out. I brought them each home. I changed each of their diapers and rocked them in the same chair. I sang them the same songs to sleep and read them the same books. I even feed them each from my breast and the same foods. So where do they get off being so different and making me have three parenting styles now?
They were even different as infants. The first boy came home, ate every four hours and slept through the night at 4 weeks. The second came home very similar, but she was a girl so every difference I decided was just a difference in the sexes. The hubby and I thought we kinda had it licked so when God decided to surprise us with the third we were excited. Then he came home. He was a demon child. He had colic and cried unstoppable for hours for the first three months. He refused to take a pacifier so there was no rest for the wicked. I guess I should of seen this little nut coming. I’m just glad God sent him last or we would be one of those parents of only children I’m jealous of from above.
As they get older the differences seem to be becoming more pronounced. Some are based on their sex and some are based on order of birth, but most seem to be from the womb. The eldest is still quiet. Getting any information out of him is worse than pulling teeth. If the CIA is looking for someone to hold national secrets- he’s your man. He has always been emotionally independent and was never my snuggler. The middle child has NO secrets and I mean NONE. She would talk to a fence if there’s no one else to listen. She can’t lie and never shuts up. Today she was with me and talked non-stop for 3 hours. I’m not even sure she took a breath. She is definitely not CIA material. Maybe an ESPN commentator, but don’t give her a secret. She’s extremely conservative and rarely even requires supervision. I spend a lot of days thinking that this child was switched at the hospital and there is some perfectly nice conservative family out there trying to raise my hell’yun. The demon child just keeps me in stitches and always keeps us on our toes. He has a tendency to be my Facebook star because the things that come out of his mouth are usually pretty funny. The scary part that no one actually realizes is that those are just the one’s that are safe for public consumption. He was born stubborn and there are many a day I’m not sure he will make it to adulthood. He will give me almost all of my gray hair. I don’t worry about the 90% of the trouble he will talk himself out of, but the 10% he can’t scares me to death. We changed his college fund to the bail fund when he was about 3.
When they were little parenting seemed easy. It consisted of saying NO a million times a day, physically moving them away from danger, chasing them down, child proofing the house, and saying NO a million more times.
As they get older and their own personalities are becoming more pronounced my parenting style is being forced to change with each. The eldest is requiring me to spend time snooping. I don’t particularly like snooping, but I am getting pretty good at it. I have become stealthy in my old age. I can sneak and stand outside his door and listen without being detected. I can figure out phone passwords and go through bookbags. For those of you who don’t know and are confused – they can have privacy when they pay their own bills and move out of my house- until then- I snoop!! My darling daughter just seems to require listening and I mean lots and lots of listening. She is by far the most exhausting to me cuz my attention span sometimes wanders and I have to constantly remind myself that somewhere in the million words that are flying out of her mouth might be something I really need to hear. The third parasite or demon child is the easiest for me. He just requires yelling. I don’t start off that way, but notoriously after the 5th time I’ve said it – it goes there. He doesn’t seem to understand or acknowledge anything if it is not told to him in your loudest voice with approximately 3 threats of violence thrown in for good measure. To which he always seems to be amazed. He would argue with a fence post because it’s in his way. He is definitely what they call in the south “Paying for your Raising”. I was prepared to pay for my raising, but I never realized I would have to pay for mine and the hubby’s. Someone should of told me that before I got married- I would of married a saint. I was bad enough- adding in his bad behavior is just not fair.
So if you have to raise and parent them differently maybe having multiple parasites isn’t that much different than only having one. Treating them each as individuals is kinda like having three “only” children. I just wish I could say- Tag you’re it!
Danger Will Robinson- Danger!!
Do all prepubescent boys go through a reptile phase or is mine more odd than most? Just one of the may questions I ask myself of a daily basis. My youngest parasite is obsessed with all kinds of animals. I just seems to be reptiles right now. We currently have 2 dogs, 1 bird, 1 very large lizard, and a bunch of crickets. Well I guess you can’t count the crickets since they are actually food for the lizard, but the darn things still have to be fed so in my book they count. If you require feeding then in my book- you’re a pet. He really wants a snake, but mama had to put her foot down somewhere. Snakes require mice as food and crickets are one thing, but cute little mice is another for me.
Because of his obsession with animals every time I walk into a room with a TV it’s on Animal Planet. Now this is a great channel and very educational if you love seeing lions eating antelopes on a regular basis. I’m all for educational and my kids learning, but sometimes it actually looks more like a slasher film when I enter the room. I feel like singing The Lion King’s theme song “The Circle of Life” every time I walk in now. I love how they made that song so beautiful and inspirational when it’s actually talking about things eating other things. It did get me thinking though.
Are you a predator or a prey?
Humans seem to be one of the few animals which can actually be both. I myself don’t particularly like being prey. I like being and staying on top of the food chain. I have never been scared of bugs. I’ve never squealed at the sight of one. If I’m bigger than it – I win. My daughter has a tendency to squeal which drives me crazy. It’s a bug for Christs sake – just squish it. Now on the same token I don’t enjoy swimming in the ocean above my waste (I still hear the Jaws music playing in my head) and I don’t want to spend my free time roaming about on the Serengeti Plain. There are things that can actually eat me there – so nope not for me!!
Now on the same token there are humans out there that consider other humans prey. These are the scary people. These are the people that we hear about on the news. Now if you listen to the news you would think they are every where, but in reality they are few and far between. Most people are actually very nice people when you let them. We have just as a society decided not to publicize the good, but instead only spotlight and headline the bad. So if you only watch the news you now have the idea that there is a bad guy around every corner and waiting outside of every door when in reality it’s just not true. It’s true they are out there, but probably just not currently hiding in your bushes. If they are hiding in your bushes on a regular basis- then it might be time to pick up and move.
What scares me most about our current society is because of computers and social media we are actually losing the ability to spot the actual predators. I believe that’s really why we see them everywhere now. We sit behind computers and phones all day typing emails, texts, replying to Facebook posts or tweets, and in general never actually speaking to another living human being. Because we are losing the ability to communicate face to face it’s becoming harder to spot the predators. I see this very scary phenomenon being played out in my parasites currently and it scares me more than actually roaming about the Serengeti Plain or the Jaws music.
Is this lack of communication actually turning us all into prey? Have we forgotten there’s more to communication than just words on a page?
Before all of the gadgets and electronics we had to actually communicate. Actual communications requires more than just words. It consists of voice tones, eye contact, and body language that enhance or teach us about the actual words. Yes I know we have emoji’s that help convey emotions, but a winking smiley face just doesn’t convey the same thing as a voice going up and a wink to say “yes- I am a smartass” It helps, but it just can’t replace. There are so many mis-communications and misunderstandings today, because of lack of emotions in the written word.
There’s also an old saying that the eyes are the window to the soul. This saying is very true. How many times in your life have you looked into someone’s eyes and the hair on the back on your neck stood up? I’ve had a few where not only the hair on the back of my neck stood up. but I felt like static electricity had overwhelmed my body and I looked like I was back in the 80’s and used a whole bottle of hairspray to stand my hair on end. My body goes into “Danger Will Robinson- Danger” mode. I’m a believer in trusting that emotion and fleeing. We have a primeval ability to spot predators, but are we losing it? Walk around today and watch how many people don’t actually make eye contact. We walk around like zombie’s staring at our feet or off into space. I try to smile, say hello, thank you, or give a compliment and they just walk off in their zombie state. I pray for those people and that they don’t bump into an actual predator anytime soon because they have officially become prey. I look at them and expect them to start skipping off like an antelope any minute.
So how do we pass on this primeval “Danger Will Robinson- Danger” ability to our next generation when they actually very rarely speak to another living soul, other than texts or through a computer, without raising them to be scared of the whole human race? This is the question? I can’t protect them from everything, but I do my best to teach them these:
1) Teach them to make eye contact- ALWAYS!! Everyone they walk by- look them in the eye. If eyes are the window of the soul then teaching them to make eye contact will allow them to spot the predators, but that most humans are good. Predators also don’t usually like people who make eye contact. It means they are strong enough to fight for survival and that’s not as easy. There’s a reason in nature that the predators always get the weakest in the pack- It takes less energy!
2) Teach them a firm handshake- This seems to be a lost art based on how many I get in today’s world from men and women that make me go – ICK! If you can’t even shake my hand firmly- then you obviously aren’t strong enough to protect yourself. A firm handshake shows the world you are strong. I’m in sales so when I get a weak handshake I almost feel bad about the negotiations to come for them- I said almost!
3) Teach them to always trust their gut, but don’t walk around scared. I’ve always lived by the adage that if it feels icky-it probably is. None of us have ever gotten in a situation that was bad that at some point prior our tummy or back of our neck didn’t feel it coming- we just choose to ignore. Teach them you’ll apologize later if need be, but if they feel it’s icky then they have your permission to act on it. Don’t ever allow them to ignore those- remember that primeval stuff about fight or flight- they are there for a reason.
Now I am not by any means saying you can protect them from everything- cause you can’t- but teaching them a few basic human communication skills will help in today’s world. They seem to be becoming a lost art and if they are going to have to walk around the Serengeti Plain at least be in the front of the pack- it’s safer there.
Red Earth of Tara
I’m having one of those days that I can write about a hundred 1 liner funny Facebook posts, but when I start to flesh them out I run into a problem. They either get too serious, could be taken as offensive, or my good little southern mama might disown me. Most of the really funny one’s fall under the last category. In you’re from the South, and your mama is still living, then every woman (even if you’re over 40 and a mama yourself) knows that when your mama ain’t happy then ain’t nooo body happy. Trust me- I still strive to make my mama happy. My mama’s dispensing guilt gene is unparalleled. She can dispense guilt with just a glance -she doesn’t even require speaking. I think there’s a super power in there somewhere and I just pray mine develops.
What’s funny about my mama is her super power can cross generations. My parasites are much more scared of disappointing “NA NA” they they have ever been of me. They play a good game of pretending to be scared of me, but the reality in this family is that NA NA holds all the cards! I spend most of my time just trying to keep them fed, bathed, in clean cloths, continuing good grades, driving to practices, trying to keep them out of prison, and avoiding letting them kill themselves with stupid behavior (Just the later is a full time job as they get older). NA NA on the other hand actually has the patience and time to teach them respect for themselves and others. I used to feel a little jealous, but then I realized there is something comforting when my daughter comes out and says “Oh no- I can’t wear that- NA NA would have a heart attack right then and there” or the boys inform me “I need a suit coat and a tie for that wedding or funeral or NA NA will disown me” It sure does make my life easier!
As I look back over my life now I am starting to understand many things in my upbringing and why my children fear and respect NA NA so much.
Now part of being really (and I mean REALLY) Southern is growing up in extremely large extended families. Now in the south related can mean anywhere from 1st cousin to 27th cousin or 1st cousin 26th removed for those from other parts. We grow up playing with, spending time at family reunions and church with these people regularly. These are all considered family and if your mama is from the south she can tell ya every generation. Hell- I’ve got some my mama can tell me how I’m related to them twice on two different sides in generations that are 7 apart. A southern mama’s memory is long and very very scary! That’s why southern women spend so much time at the funeral home and making dinners- they are related to everyone.
Because of this closeness to family, most of us don’t move real far. When I grew up I lived next to my grandparents and the very next house up was my great grand parents. Now most think that’s CRAZY, but in the south it’s completely normal and sometimes even expected. Believe it or not- almost all of my friends lived in very similar situations. If it wasn’t next door it was no more than 1/2 a mile away from their grandparents. My great grandparents got me off the bus. I spent every afternoon with them hearing stories and learning all sorts of things. I can tell you county and family history now with the best of them. I can wash cloths in a wash tub, prepare a chicken from alive to the table, grow vegetables, cook fried okra, and mend a shirt. I refuse to do any of these things, but by-god I’m southern and I can! We’ve been doing that “It takes a village” thing for generations and we take it seriously!
There’s an old saying that you should give your children roots so they know where they come from and wings so they are confident enough to fly away from the nest. Our mothers give us both, but due to the guilt super power our mothers possess and being surrounded by family our roots stretch- oh 27 generations deep. Our wings are large and they usually let us fly away for a little while or roughly until our own little birds start to fill up our own nest and then amazingly we start looking at houses that are back close to mama. Our wings are strong, but getting roots like that out of the ground just requires more strength than Hercules much less our poor little wings. The roots seem to get longer once we have our own smaller birds in tow. Some do pull it off, but don’t be fooled- those children of southern mama’s still call almost every day.
I am completely southern so as usual when the first parasite began to show in my belly the immediate draw home began. I had spent 30 years trying to get away, but there I was 8 months pregnant and waddling moving in next door. The draw home was powerful. I felt like Odysseus listened to the Sirens song. I had no idea what this sudden urge for my mama and my family land was all about or even who I was anymore. I felt like Scarlet saying “I know- I’ll go home to the red earth of Tara” Who was I? What strong woman does this anymore? Why do I not want to be on my own? Do I think I am not capable? Am I weak?
As I pondered these questions I looked around and thought about all the things I learned in my grandmothers and great grand mothers house’s and smiled. I had learned respect for my elders, respect for myself, respect for other people, love of family, to relax and see the comedy and beauty of life, and that roots are good and powerful. The largest and strongest tree’s have the deepest roots. I wasn’t weak I came from something stronger than myself. I came from a huge strong tree and I was about to help it form new branches and those branches spirits needed to be fed in order for them to develop and be strong. I couldn’t nor did I want to do it alone. The parasites needed a NA NA.
There’s an old saying in the south when you are doing something your ancestors wouldn’t approve of “your granny (or grandfather) is rolling over in their graves” I have done a lot in my life to make my granny roll over in her grave, but bringing the parasites home to raise I’m pretty sure made her smirk and dance a little jig. I just hope the Red Earth of Tara and Na Na can help me keep them from making my granny do somersaults. 🙂
SEE ALL THE EVIL, HEAR ALL THE EVIL, AND SPEAK THE TRUTH
Today I was sitting eating lunch and there was a cute little picture above the table with a couple of toads. These three cute little toads were arranged side by side and one was covering his eyes, one was covering his ears, and one was covering his mouth. It started me thinking about the saying- See no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil. This is a great concept we should all strive for, but is it really practical or even remotely possible.
I decided to spend the afternoon trying to accomplish this monumental task.
When my youngest parasite came home and decided to play ball in the house- I covered my eyes and walked away. When I heard the lamp break from the other room – I covered my ears. When I came out and saw the mess – I just covered my mouth before I could let my normal loving caring words toward my little nightmare slip out. Now so far I am impressed with my new found super abilities so I decide to keep it up.
When the oldest parasite came home I went down to his room to check on his day – because as we all know teenager boys love to talk to their mothers. When I saw his dinner plate from last nights dinner still on his bedroom floor- I covered my eyes and walked away. When I heard the strangers bad language coming out of his computer game speakers – I covered my ears. When I went down to say goodnight and the dinner plate was STILL sitting on his floor, I covered my mouth in order to avoid sharing more of the bad language with him he had heard earlier.
Now I am incredibly proud of myself so I think it’s a great idea to continue. When my middle parasite gets home and I notice her shorts are entirely too short and her shirt is showing more cleavage than I even have- I covered my eyes. When I hear song lyrics coming out of her room which are degrading to women I just cover my ears and when she over steps her bounds and her mouth smarts off to me- I just cover my mouth in order to not yell back or punish her.
Then a little thing hits me- What the HELL am I doing??? You can’t parent and EVER live up to those ideals.
See no evil?? You better keep your eyes wide open and look for the evil even if it’s not there. They are kids and their brains aren’t developed to the extent of yours. They don’t see evil and are counting on you to see the evil and protect them and steer them in safe directions. If you don’t see the evil – trust me they won’t.
Hear no evil?? You better keep your ears as open as your eyes. Listen to the parasites! Spend one on one time with them- even when they do their best to avoid. If you listen they will, in their own ways, tell you about the evils they are facing. They usually crave direction when they are confused. Let them tell you and work with them to avoid the evils.
Speak no evil? Now this one is the most tricky and the one most parents have difficulty. This is the one that is more like a tight rope. You don’t want to teach them to be judgmental, but you also want to teach them. You do not want to be degrading, but make sure they know they don’t know everything yet. Let’s just clarify here that punishment is not evil. Punishment for bad behavior is a protective maneuver. Neither is teaching them the age old saying “Fly with the crows – get shot with the crows” or Lay down with dogs and you’re gonna get fleas” You aren’t being judgmental- you are being protective. Let’s face it- the statements are true.
So after my day of striving to See no evil, Hear no evil, and Speaking no evil the only thing I’ve learned is it might work with strangers, but it certainly shouldn’t be implemented as a parenting style. So I’m going to change it to SEE ALL THE EVIL, HEAR ALL THE EVIL, AND SPEAK THE TRUTH!
Damn the Torpedo’s
Aside Posted on Updated on
I’m having a crisis of conscience.
I come from a very long line of what I call “Southern Church Women”. If you are from the south you know many of these God fearing women. They are at the church every time the doors are open, pray for everyone daily, make food for everyone for any little issue, know their hairdressers entire family tree, and have their own permanent seat in every grieving room at the funeral home. They also have the scariest “misbehaving in church face” known to man. They can make an entire row of teenagers behave with a mere glance. They have made more Gospel Bird (fried chicken for those not from the south) and casseroles for other people in their lives than most women have cooked dinner for their own family.
What’s even more fascinating about these women is their complete knowledge of their church family and their lives. These women know more information about what’s going in the church family than many do their own husbands. Trust me- the US government doesn’t need to fund the NSA, FBI, or CIA- they just need to turn loose 5 Southern church women in every church and mosque in the US. Within a week they will know everyone’s name, children’s names, family lineage, rough income, and absolutely everything going on in that family and all of it’s dynamics.
Because of this ability they are usually accused and considered gossips. In our world today of keeping everything close to the vest- gossiping has gotten a bad wrap. Gossips are considered nosy busy bodies who are just trying to be in everyone’s business. In these women’s defense they aren’t really, nor do they consider they are, gossiping – they are just trying to figure out exactly who they should lift up (that means pray to those of you not familiar with the lingo) to God that day. I’m pretty sure if you’re not being lifted up by at least 2 southern church women a week you can’t get past St Peter into Heaven. St Peter will say “Oh- I’m sorry Sally- We only take admittance after you have had 3 casseroles made and 7 prayers said from Ms. Wallace” I have had three babies (yes that gets you food too) and used to misbehave regularly in my youth so I am pretty sure I have me my quota with at least 10 women now so I should be covered. Phew!!
The reason these women know everything, cook casseroles, pray daily, and show up at the funeral home regularly is there best quality of all. They take care of each other and everyone else if you will let them. If they know something about you or your family member that could be disruptive they will usually just tell you the truth – even when it’s not pleasant. Because they seem so sweet most people think they would never say anything that might hurt you, but the truth is sugar coating just isn’t in their wheel house. Now I am by no means saying they will ever hurt you on purpose- that’s never their intent. There intent is to help you. They just never got the memo on how to tell you bad news with a buffer. They typically raise their children with a mentality of “yes it’s gonna hurt- just pull the band-aid off anyway” so that’s how they give info. There’s no build to it, there’s not sandwiching (good,bad,good) they just pull the band-aid off and damn the torpedo’s.
So – back to by crisis of conscience. Because I was raised this way I have a tendency to feel the same. Now, much to my mothers heart break, I did not get the show up at church every time the doors are open gene (I get lifted up a lot) and I haven’t picked out my funeral home seat yet. However, I did get the cooking people dinner gene and the worst one of all – I feel I should tell them gene. Now most of the time it’s OK because I try not to know much information. I have learned on most occasions that ignorance is bliss. With the parasites getting older and into their teenage years I am learning now that I know much more information that I am really prepared or want to know. I get a lot of “Mom- did you see this tweet or MOM- can you believe they did this?” concerning other teenage behavior. Teenagers have a tendency to not be so bright – so- the question of the hour is do you tell the people that care about these other teenagers or not?
HMMMM- it’s a hard question. Since I have always just had the band aid ripped off- I would always want to know if it was mine. I am fully aware they are teenagers and are going to do stupid things. I want to be able to guide them through the trials of teenage stupidity with preferably as much information on their stupidity as possible. I usually wish I could live the ostrich life and hide my head in the sand, but I just can’t get my head in that tiny little hole. I feel I should tell these other parents, but do I want to be labeled as that busy body who is invading their space? I don’t feel like I am invading their space- I just care about them and do not want to see them hurt, but the world has changed so much and usually kids are in control. We talk a lot about “it takes a village”, but most parents don’t really want the village in their business.
In the world I was raised if I had done anything even remotely near the things I am seeing and hearing my mama would of known within mere minutes. Those good ole church women would of told her and damned the torpedo’s. She would of given me the misbehaving in church look, handled the stupidity with a firm hand, and I would of been all the better for it.
Oh for the days!!!!
Who Exactly Is They??
The other day I was relaxing with a few girlfriends over a glass (or bottles) of wine. We were talking about life and we started to get a little philosophical. The conversation was riveting or maybe it was just the wine. We were talking about marriage, the challenges of raising our little rascals, work, money and growing older. During our talks one of us made the statement “Well ya know what they always say about that” and it got me thinking of the most important question of all- Who the hell is “They”?
I had said this simple statement many times in my life without ever really thinking about it much. “Ya know what they say…”, “Everyone says they said so” or “They say you can’t do that” Who gave “They” all the power? Are they the politicians? Are they the educators? Are they the CEO’s? Are they the media? Are they the preachers or are “they” just something we all made up to convince ourselves of what we already believe anyway? Did we just make up “they” so we would stay in our own box and behave?
What’s great about “they” is we can make it anything we want. We can use it in a debate to try to sway people over to our beliefs. They implies “many” which means we aren’t alone so we must be right. We can use it to justify our behavior. Obviously if many says it’s O.K. then it must be a grand idea. We can use it to tell people their behavior is bad. If many believe it’s bad then it must be horrid.
The funny part about “they” is that in reality there is a “they” for every reason or every cause known to man. Since there are billions of people on the planet there is a “they” for everything. With so many humans running around with our (what they call) large brains, it’s pretty ridiculous to believe that any of us every really have a novel or new thought. There’s probably some bored woman in China writing this same blog right now. Now I’m not saying that’s not scary- cuz trust me- the idea of anyone out there with a brain as twisted as mine is even petrifying to me, but it’s probably true. Y’all are just lucky and can’t read Mandarin.
After thinking about “THEY” for a while I’ve decided the most important thing to know about “they” is it’s just an illusion. Don’t listen to “they”- listen to yourself and know there are other people out there just as normal or nuts as you. Some of “they” won’t like you and some of “they” will love you, but the best part of all is most of “they” won’t really care either way.
REDS WORLD TODAY 