Notes To Self

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This morning started off as usual. The alarm went off at 5:30. I grudgingly got out of bed and made my way through the house in the dark saying only a few choice words as I bumped into random things that hurt.  I stumbled down the stairs and accomplished not breaking a bone. I attempt to get the oldest parasite out of the bed and into the shower.  Now that he is a teenager this feat takes more energy than most things I do all day. There is crying, yelling, arguing, throwing blankets and pillows, and jumping around like a monkey- and those are just me. These are all just while he lays there saying the age old “Please-just 5 more minutes Mom” Now at this point I have two choices- I can stumble back through my dark house and hurt myself or just crawl in the bed with him.  Guess which one I pick at 5:30? Well it certainly isn’t the injure myself option.  Something amazing happened suddenly- my mission was accomplished- parasite got up!  I smirk and say to myself “Note to Self”

I’m finding as I go through my life now as a wife, mother, daughter, friend, employee, and in general jack of all duties I am smirking and saying “Note to self” much more often.  “Note to Self” is a powerful thing.  It means you’re learning. I never really thought I would still be learning quite this much in my late 40’s, but I think I am actually learning much more.

You learn lots of “Notes to Self” in your teens and twenties.  These are painful lessons:

1) Lying to your mother when she asks you a question is probably a mute point because she’s asking because she already knows

2) When you stick your head above a crowd they throw rocks at it- the hard part is those darn things can really be the size of boulders

3) Everyone you love isn’t going to love you back (unless they are family and then you’re just stuck with them)

4) Too much alcohol and no food is a dangerous combo and you’ll still probably do it again anyway

5) Smarting off to a policeman is never a good idea unless orange jumpsuits is your favorite outfit (I personally never learned this, but I live vicariously some days through the hubby) 

Now as I age the “Notes to Self” are not as life changing and are much simpler, but happen much more frequently. They are also usually much more amusing to me.

These are just a few I had today:

1) Teenage boys don’t like mommy to crawl in bed with them and will jump up with no arguing.

2) Teenage girls say approximately one million words a second and as long as you listen to at least every ten you will still get the jist of the conversation and as long as you make eye contact and say yes every 100 words you are a GREAT mom.

3) When the toothpaste tube is cut in two on the bathroom counter so a parasite could brush their teeth it might be time to go the drug store and buy toothpaste

4) 11 year old boys should not be allowed to put on cologne unless you want them to smell like a cheap hooker.

5) When there are four prepubescent boys and yelling starts coming from downstairs – there is probably a fight going on and you should probably get up and go down.  If you don’t- they all run upstairs and start yelling at you at once. 

6) Changing my fonts and background on here was difficult for me and I just wanna write funny stuff and not conquer the internet. I can’t conquer my children so the internet is definitely beyond my capabilities.  Hey – it’s also important to know your limitations.

In my twenties most of the lessons were painful and can only be amusing now that time has passed.  In my 40’s the lessons are getting simple and funny.  I can’t imagine the “Notes to Self” I will have in my 50’s and 60’s, but man am I looking forward to them.  We talk a lot about wisdom as we age, but maybe wisdom is just a string of what I call “Notes to Self” 

 

 

 

 

 

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