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I am luckier than most and my job allows me to work from my home,  Being in sales I am usually running around the city in appointments and cussing traffic, but every now and then there is a day where I have no appointments and spend my day on conference calls and doing busy work. I wake up, get the kids off to school, drink a pot of coffee, turn on the computer, start work, and basically sit at my desk in front of my computer on the phone in pajama’s and bath robe until noon.  Needless to say on these days I am a beautiful bed head site.  My hair has been known to accomplish sticking straight out a good 6 inches all the way around my head. If you just saw me you would think I had been struck by lightening during the night.  I have red hair so if you add in the no make-up factor and pale skin I could pass for the scariest clown at the circus. I can make toddlers cry at 40 paces. 

Now as I work I usually have the TV on in the background for “the noise” factor.  I don’t know about you, but living with 4 other humans, 2 dogs, a bird, a lizard, and a container full of crickets has suddenly made me deathly afraid of things being too quiet.  If the house gets too quiet I start to hyperventilate and start to feel a panic attack coming. I am convinced the old saying “the quiet before the storm” wasn’t written about the weather.  It was written by a mother of boys who knew good and well if she had 5 minutes of peace it would be shortly interrupted by an explosion or a trip to the ER (or both). So I keep the TV on for the noise so I can relax.  

I very rarely pay much attention to the noise that is going on in the background. This is not really a hard feat- (have you seen daytime TV lately?) It’s a string of mindless talk shows where we talk about celebrities dresses, divorces, meditation and yoga techniques.  If they aren’t just sitting there talking they are cooking and talking. Basically daytime TV has turned into every party I’ve been to since my thirties. The women just stand around in the kitchen and chat and graze on snacks,  I don’t understand or really even remember when that change happened. Suddenly just one day we went from males and females all together in the living room hanging out and talking to the women in the kitchen and males on the deck. I think it’s just be hardwired into the human brain when we turn thirty or maybe by then we have just been married long enough we are craving company of our own kind.  I do have days when I think:  OH please for the love of God can I have an estrogen adult conversation. Oop- wandering again, back to topic. 

Now my favorite part about day time TV is absolutely none of the commercials are written for me.  I am not even close to any of their demographics. I am convinced the advertisers believe the ONLY people in America who ever even turn on a TV during the day consist in three categories:

1) New moms

2) Elderly

3) You have been in a horrible accident

Now I am thankful I do not fit any of these demographics.  I have NO need now for baby toys, wipes, or diapers nor do I ever want to again.  The only time I will ever buy these again (if they aren’t on a registry) is hopefully for my grandkids and based on the ages of my own parasites let’s hope and pray that’s after the AARP card comes in the mail. I don’t qualify yet for AARP even though my body feels a hundred every morning as my knees creak as I go down the stairs.  Maybe the qualifications should change from age to body noises. I could send them in a tape of my bones and I’m pretty sure they would gladly send me a card. I could use the discounts on hotel rooms. 

Now my personal favorite are the injury attorneys. These guys must spend 100% of their entire advertising budgets between the hours of 10 am and 4 pm.  They are approximately 1/3 of all commercials on during the day. They don’t spend much of that budget on the commercials, just on the time. The commercials are poorly put together.  They are all the same. The attorney tells you how he’s going to fight for you and get you more money. Then a few testimonials from people that got astronomical amounts of money (which are usually ugly enough that they could be real- they can’t possibly be professional actors) Then the attorney comes back with the disclaimer that he can’t guarantee you that much.  If you listen to their commercials you can sue for anything.
Today one in particular perked up my ears. They wanted me to sue if I had ever used talcum powder and got cancer because it is based on a new study. Of course it wasn’t that simple, but talcum powder? Hasn’t pretty much everyone here used powder at some point in their lives? How did this study accomplish getting a control group?  Did they start at births in 1968 and tell certain moms they couldn’t use powder on their babies butts and tell other moms to go to town with the powder?  Did they follow these children for the last 40 years and tell the adults in the control group –  I know you have jock itch, but sorry no powder for you?  Who even thought to file for grant money to study the link between cancer and powder?  Was it a guy who had a lot of issue’s and used a lot of powder and got cancer and thought “hmmm- I’m sure it wasn’t the fact I smoked 30 years that caused this- it must be the powder?” Heaven forbid it not be “just cuz” 
Whatever happened to “Just Cuz”?  Somethings in life just can’t be explained or sued away.  Who can explain why certain people can eat horrid food and never have high cholesterol while other people can eat just raw veggies and be off the chart?  Why do some people who exercise and are in great health fall over dead from a heart attack?  Who can explain why some people can smoke, or I guess now use powder, for 60 years and never develop cancer why other people do?  Who can explain why certain parents can raise 2 great kids and one complete cluster while raising them the same? 
Somethings really just have no correct answer nor can there be anyone or anything to blame- sometimes the answers really are “JUST CUZ” 




Danger Will Robinson- Danger!!

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Do all prepubescent boys go through a reptile phase or is mine more odd than most?  Just one of the may questions I ask myself of a daily basis.  My youngest parasite is obsessed with all kinds of animals. I just seems to be reptiles right now.  We currently have 2 dogs, 1 bird, 1 very large lizard, and a bunch of crickets.  Well I guess you can’t count the crickets since they are actually food for the lizard, but the darn things still have to be fed so in my book they count. If you require feeding then in my book- you’re a pet.  He really wants a snake, but mama had to put her foot down somewhere. Snakes require mice as food and crickets are one thing, but cute little mice is another for me. 

Because of his obsession with animals every time I walk into a room with a TV it’s on Animal Planet.  Now this is a great channel and very educational if you love seeing lions eating antelopes on a regular basis. I’m all for educational and my kids learning, but sometimes it actually looks more like a slasher film when I enter the room. I feel like singing The Lion King’s theme song “The Circle of Life” every time I walk in now.  I love how they made that song so beautiful and inspirational when it’s actually talking about things eating other things. It did get me thinking though.  

Are you a predator or a prey?

Humans seem to be one of the few animals which can actually be both.  I myself don’t particularly like being prey.  I like being and staying on top of the food chain. I have never been scared of bugs. I’ve never squealed at the sight of one.  If I’m bigger than it – I win. My daughter has a tendency to squeal which drives me crazy.  It’s a bug for Christs sake – just squish it.  Now on the same token I don’t enjoy swimming in the ocean above my waste (I still hear the Jaws music playing in my head) and I don’t want to spend my free time roaming about on the Serengeti Plain. There are things that can actually eat me there – so nope not for me!!


Now on the same token there are humans out there that consider other humans prey.  These are the scary people. These are the people that we hear about on the news. Now if you listen to the news you would think they are every where, but in reality they are few and far between. Most people are actually very nice people when you let them.  We have just as a society decided not to publicize the good, but instead only spotlight and headline the bad. So if you only watch the news you now have the idea that there is a bad guy around every corner and waiting outside of every door when in reality it’s just not true. It’s true they are out there, but probably just not currently hiding in your bushes. If they are hiding in your bushes on a regular basis- then it might be time to pick up and move. 

What scares me most about our current society is because of computers and social media we are actually losing the ability to spot the actual predators.  I believe that’s really why we see them everywhere now. We sit behind computers and phones all day typing emails, texts, replying to Facebook posts or tweets, and in general never actually speaking to another living human being. Because we are losing the ability to communicate face to face it’s becoming harder to spot the predators. I see this very scary phenomenon being played out in my parasites currently and it scares me more than actually roaming about the Serengeti Plain or the Jaws music.  

Is this lack of communication actually turning us all into prey? Have we forgotten there’s more to communication than just words on a page?

Before all of the gadgets and electronics we had to actually communicate.  Actual communications requires more than just words. It consists of voice tones, eye contact, and body language that enhance or teach us about the actual words.  Yes I know we have emoji’s that help convey emotions, but a winking smiley face just doesn’t convey the same thing as a voice going up and a wink to say “yes- I am a smartass”  It helps, but it just can’t replace.  There are so many mis-communications and misunderstandings today, because of lack of emotions in the written word. 

There’s also an old saying that the eyes are the window to the soul. This saying is very true. How many times in your life have you looked into someone’s eyes and the hair on the back on your neck stood up?  I’ve had a few where not only the hair on the back of my neck stood up. but I felt like static electricity had overwhelmed my body and I looked like I was back in the 80’s and used a whole bottle of hairspray to stand my hair on end. My body goes into “Danger Will Robinson- Danger” mode. I’m a believer in trusting that emotion and fleeing. We have a primeval ability to spot predators, but are we losing it? Walk around today and watch how many people don’t actually make eye contact. We walk around like zombie’s staring at our feet or off into space.  I try to smile, say hello, thank you, or give a compliment and they just walk off in their zombie state.  I pray for those people and that they don’t bump into an actual predator anytime soon because they have officially become prey.  I look at them and expect them to start skipping off like an antelope any minute. 

So how do we pass on this primeval “Danger Will Robinson- Danger” ability to our next generation when they actually very rarely speak to another living soul, other than texts or through a computer, without raising them to be scared of the whole human race? This is the question?  I can’t protect them from everything, but I do my best to teach them these: 

1) Teach them to make eye contact- ALWAYS!! Everyone they walk by- look them in the eye. If eyes are the window of the soul then teaching them to make eye contact will allow them to spot the predators, but that most humans are good.  Predators also don’t usually like people who make eye contact. It means they are strong enough to fight for survival and that’s not as easy. There’s a reason in nature that the predators always get the weakest in the pack- It takes less energy!

2) Teach them a firm handshake- This seems to be a lost art based on how many I get in today’s world from men and women that make me go – ICK! If you can’t even shake my hand firmly- then you obviously aren’t strong enough to protect yourself.  A firm handshake shows the world you are strong. I’m in sales so when I get a weak handshake I almost feel bad about the negotiations to come for them- I said almost!

3) Teach them to always trust their gut, but don’t walk around scared.   I’ve always lived by the adage that if it feels icky-it probably is. None of us have ever gotten in a situation that was bad that at some point prior our tummy or back of our neck didn’t feel it coming- we just choose to ignore.  Teach them you’ll apologize later if need be, but if they feel it’s icky then they have your permission to act on it. Don’t ever allow them to ignore those- remember that primeval stuff about fight or flight-  they are there for a reason.

Now I am not by any means saying you can protect them from everything- cause you can’t- but teaching them a few basic human communication skills will help in today’s world. They seem to be becoming a lost art and if they are going to have to walk around the Serengeti Plain at least be in the front of the pack- it’s safer there.