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Today I was sitting eating lunch and there was a cute little picture above the table with a couple of toads.  These three cute little toads were arranged side by side and one was covering his eyes, one was covering his ears, and one was covering his mouth.  It started me thinking about the saying- See no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil.  This is a great concept we should all strive for, but is it really practical or even remotely possible.  

I decided to spend the afternoon trying to accomplish this monumental task.

When my youngest parasite came home and decided to play ball in the house- I covered my eyes and walked away. When I heard the lamp break from the other room – I covered my ears. When I came out and saw the mess – I just covered my mouth before I could let my normal loving caring words toward my little nightmare slip out. Now so far I am impressed with my new found super abilities so I decide to keep it up.

When the oldest parasite came home I went down to his room to check on his day – because as we all know teenager boys love to talk to their mothers.  When I saw his dinner plate from last nights dinner still on his bedroom floor- I covered my eyes and walked away. When I heard the strangers bad language coming out of his computer game speakers – I covered my ears. When I went down to say goodnight and the dinner plate was STILL sitting on his floor, I covered my mouth in order to avoid sharing more of the bad language with him he had heard earlier. 

Now I am incredibly proud of myself so I think it’s a great idea to continue.   When my middle parasite gets home and I notice her shorts are entirely too short and her shirt is showing more cleavage than I even have- I covered my eyes.  When I hear song lyrics coming out of her room which are degrading to women I just cover my ears and when she over steps her bounds and her mouth smarts off to me- I just cover my mouth in order to not yell back or punish her.

Then a little thing hits me- What the HELL am I doing???  You can’t parent and EVER live up to those ideals.  

See no evil??  You better keep your eyes wide open and look for the evil even if it’s not there.  They are kids and their brains aren’t developed to the extent of yours.  They don’t see evil and are counting on you to see the evil and protect them and steer them in safe directions. If you don’t see the evil – trust me they won’t.

Hear no evil??  You better keep your ears as open as your eyes.  Listen to the parasites! Spend one on one time with them- even when they do their best to avoid.  If you listen they will, in their own ways, tell you about the evils they are facing.  They usually crave direction when they are confused. Let them tell you and work with them to avoid the evils.

Speak no evil?  Now this one is the most tricky and the one most parents have difficulty.  This is the one that is more like a tight rope. You don’t want to teach them to be judgmental, but you also want to teach them.  You do not want to be degrading, but make sure they know they don’t know everything yet.  Let’s just clarify here that punishment is not evil. Punishment for bad behavior is a protective maneuver.  Neither is teaching them the age old saying “Fly with the crows – get shot with the crows” or Lay down with dogs and you’re gonna get fleas”  You aren’t being judgmental- you are being protective.  Let’s face it- the statements are true. 

So after my day of striving to See no evil, Hear no evil, and Speaking no evil the only thing I’ve learned is it might work with strangers, but it certainly shouldn’t be implemented as a parenting style. So I’m going to change it to SEE ALL THE EVIL, HEAR ALL THE EVIL, AND SPEAK THE TRUTH!







“The Irreverent Life Lessons I’ve Learned” part 2

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This is my long awaited and highly anticipated sequel to “The Irreverent Life Lessons I’ve Learned”  Yes I do know it’s only been about 24 hours, but a girl is allowed to be a legend in her own mind if she wants.  I’m not a legend anywhere else so I may as well be here 🙂

6) Your parents will always know how to push your buttons best because they installed them

My daddy and I have always had an uncanny knack of saying or doing exactly the one thing that will piss each other off the most in any given situation if we choose.  He has a way a dispensing guilt that could make any catholic nun or priest green with envy. When I was in my late teens and early twenties we would go long periods of time without speaking because we both could be downright stubborn.   We once went about a year speaking only though my mother because we didn’t agree on something.  I learned to turn it on him by doing the most stupid stubborn thing I could find that he ended up having to pay money to fix.  I once turned a $40 brake job, I needed and wouldn’t ask for help, into a $600 brake job. It’s hard to get the brake pad bases to go all the way through the rotors.  The gentlemen in the brake shop in Athens, a college town, advised my daddy it was the worst he had every seen.  I took that as a win. His wins were different.  He says he won when my brain came back in my middle 20’s when I actually broke down and called him for work advice.  We still dispense our brand of abuse on each other on a daily basis, but now we typically understand that when we push those buttons it’s our way of saying I Love You and we smirk at each other and move on.  I had to move on – I have kids now and my own buttons to install.  My daddy really considers that his win!!

7) It’s always the quite ones

This is a relatively new lesson I have learned that I think my guy friends have been hiding from me for years! They felt the need to teach me every derogatory term out there for women, but not this-  hmmmm?  If you don’t already know I now sell Pure Romance products on the side.  Just so you understand what Pure Romance is- I go into ladies homes and have private girl parties where I show and display shave creams, lotions, and yes – sex toys.  I have always been a “to each his own kinda gal” and “if it feels good and you and your partner are comfortable with it-go for it”   I have a blast doing it.  I make good money and laugh for about 4 hours.  However; it’s taught me this lesson in spades.  You always have the group of girls who are loud during the party, talk about sex openly and have a ball.  Then there is always that one in the corner who looks miserable and incredibly uncomfortable.  Then you move to the private ordering room.  The loud and open girls buy the discreet, tame, and basically normal things.  That quite, reserved, and uncomfortable corner sitter notoriously asks immediately for the bondage kit.  Now I have no issue at all with either girl and am proud of each for owning their own sexuality, but I now have a totally different respect for those men who married the quite ones.  Maybe they knew what they were doing!! 

8) Baseball caps are the new 40’s chic

Ok- I own and wear a lot of baseball caps and visors in my 40’s.  My friends are mostly baseball hat wearing women also. I have one for everyone of my kid’s schools, sports teams, and interests.  I also have one for everyone of my interest and some with just funny sayings.  It’s amazing the things you accumulate with age.  We counted the other day and I think between my husband and I we have over 100 hats.  If anyone ever breaks into my house they don’t need my social security card to steal my identity- they can tell everything about me and my interest by my hat collection.   If ya got em flaunt em!  Now this baseball hat tradition for me probably started with spending an inordinate amount of time at football, baseball, lacrosse, soccer, etc etc etc fields in the sun.  Being a red head there are only two options- a hat or a burnt face.  The hat wins!  I have also learned they hide lots and lots of stuff.  For example; boy has to be taken to school at 6:30 am for practice- hair in hat for me.  Bangs misbehaving- hat for me. Need a haircut- hat for me. Didn’t quite get that shower in- hat for me. Ball field for 8 hours- hat for me.  The great part is not only do they hide the flaws- there’s one for every mood, every adventure, every event, and every outfit!  Baseball hats are definitely the new 40’s chic.  If your not on board ladies your missing the fashion train!


That’s all for now – til the next highly anticipated sequel!!