#south

I’m Above the Weather

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So I missed a day writing yesterday because I was under the weather.  Not that I have ever understood the term under the weather. Why can’t we just say sick?  Under the weather sounds like I was playing in the rain.  What in the world does weather have to do with my throat hurting and running a fever.  Speaking of strange terms- exactly where is my fever running?  Did it sign up for a marathon and not tell me?  If it did- I’m not going without a scary clown with a knife chasing me

Oh sorry- I wandered off- back to point!  So I was sick yesterday (not under the weather- what ever that means) and took a day off of writing. Actually I took the day off of everything. It’s hard to accomplish much while your fever is running a marathon.  Oops- wandering again. 

It’s amazing the things you actually notice when you are not capable of human interaction and are stuck with daytime TV and the internet. I actually can just lay in my bed now with a smartphone and know everything that is going on in the world with a swipe of my finger.  Here’s a few things I learned while I was under the weather:

1) Someone is notoriously complaining abut the weather.  Now granted – it is Spring in the South which is a little schizophrenic.  In the last thirty six hours we have successfully gone from 70 degree’s to 20. I actually saw snow/sun today.  I’ve always heard of the “Devil Beating his Wife’ when it’s raining and the sun is shining so I guess we’ll just call that the Devil Beating Jack Frost.  Hey- don’t freak out- I left out the word off.

2) There are A Lot of religious people.  I am a believer that everyone should be religious and rejoice in their beliefs.  We live in a land of religious freedom and you should always be able to worship freely and share those beliefs. But come on now- who are some of you fooling? If there were as many religious people as I see on Facebook, TV, and the internet there wouldn’t be an empty pew in the nation. FYI – I’m not talking to anyone in particular, but if you got offended – it wasn’t really at me.

3) People on both sides take their politics waaaaay too seriously.  There is nothing like seeing the posts on occasions where people have been unfriended or have unfriended someone because of a difference in political views on Facebook. Now granted I do believe we all take things too seriously and no one seems to know the art of debating anymore without turning into a two year old and insulting each other. Most debates now sound more like “You’re a poo poo head!!” “No- You’re a poo poo head!”  Those debates always go well and usually end up with a “MOM” being yelled which is hard when the participants are in their 40’s.  What tickles me about these debates is they are not hard to avoid in the first place.  If you watch closely you should always know their political beliefs based on their posts anyway.  If they post them daily exactly what is going through your mind that makes you think your arguments are gonna change them anyway? Trust me- you’re not that good!!  Why do they have to believe what you do anyway? Let them rant- if it bugs you that much when they post pictures of their kids- quietly make fun of them and be glad yours are better looking. 

4) There seems to be very few independent thoughts anymore.  I remember when Facebook started most posts were of the people on Facebook’s life.  You could keep up with friends who you no longer saw.  You heard what was going on in their lives, saw their families, and saw how well or badly they’ve aged.  Oh come on now, admit it- there are a least a few you’ve looked at and said “Phew- at least I aged better than that”  Now if you have a Facebook go back to your page when you are done and look I bet approximately 3/4 of everything on the page is a share of something else.  You don’t really need to talk to anyone anymore just look at the things they’ve shared.  They will tell you everything you need to know about their religion, their politics, their social awareness, what their family does, and their sense of humor.  I’m guilty too because some things are just too funny to me not to share, but we miss hearing about your lives. I like seeing your kids and families (even the ugly ones)  I think reality is always comic and I miss the reality so if you would post us something from just you soon. Unless you wanna share this and then by all means go right ahead 🙂

5) There are a lot of people cooking very good food and none are sharing with me. As I laid in my bed I saw and heard about lunches and dinners. As I lay there eating tomato soup and banana Popsicle’s (Yes I know I’m weird, but that’s another story) I saw all this wonderful food. I saw sushi, hamburgers wrapped in bacon, waffles, cookie cakes, muffins, salads, and casseroles. I heard about pot roast, chicken alfredo, and steak and potatoes. All of this made me hungry so I turned on the TV – lo and behold- more food! When did 1/2 the shows on TV start to be cooking shows? I’m shocked we are a society moving toward obese- all we do is talk about food.  It’s not that hard to cook like a professional if you just watch cooking shows all day.  I’ve always said I could be too, but until I get a sous chef they are getting hamburger helper.  All that chopping is exhausting. You would think at least one of the parasites would of stepped up by now, but no such luck.  I can’t tell some days of they are lazy are just like my crappy food. Either way- they aren’t starving nor or they obese so I’m going with cooking crappy food is good for them. If you’re not going to share your food with me- It’s my justification and I’m sticking to it!

I’m finally starting to feel better again so maybe tomorrow I’ll get back out in the real world and see what I can learn amusing while I’m above the weather.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I’m a Grilled Mama Sandwich!!

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I have never liked being sick.  I would rather be lazy.  It takes some skill to avoid doing work, but being sick there is no options or skill. You lay in bed for sometimes days with nothing to do that’s even remotely fun.  Your muscles feels like you have done P90X for three days straight, but your body gets none of the benefits.  If I’m gonna be that sore- damn it- I want some pay-off!!

I have always needed (no required) 3 things when I am sick.  I neeeed tomato soup and grilled cheese, banana popsicles, and most importantly- my Mama.   I am aware that some of my requests during sickness are a little odd.  Tomato soup is my just my favorite. You people can keep your weak chicken and noodle, bring me something that sticks to my ribs.  Banana popsicles are probably the most interesting.  When I was a child my grandfather loved to spoil me and I was a little gullible.  The man convinced me that banana popsicles can cure anything and it seemed to work-  so if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.  The by far most important ingredient to my cure all is my Mama.

I know some people call them Mother out of respect and that is fine.  To us in the South we don’t have Mothers – we have Mama’s! Until I was grown, my Mama spent countless days and nights with me getting medicine, getting me cool wash rags for my forehead, making me food, and holding my hair back while I threw up.  The culmination of all of this was to snuggle me up next to her in her bed for the night.  For a child who hurts or feels like their body is revolting against them- this bed seemed to always make it feel better. Mama’s have that super power when they choose to use and unleash it’s ability.  Now above I said til I was grown-  SHHHHH- I still make my Mama lay down with me at 46 when she comes in to bring me my tomato soup and banana popsicles. A Mama’s job is never done!!

Now that I have my own parasites and I’m the Mama it’s amazing how things never change.  The only things that changed is now I really understand what my sweet, innocent, loving, caring mama was “really” thinking during all of those long nights.  No- mama’s never say it – we only think these things.  We keep going and are sweet because it’s not their fault they’re sick and we are the Mama. These never slip out – but don’t even try to say you’ve never had one of them slip accidentally through your brain

1) Really?- of course your sick- I have an early morning meeting

2) 2 am- Where the heck is that stupid measuring cup?  oh here’s a spoon and it’ll work -it’s close. Will they ever be able to take pills?

3) Oh God please let them make it to the toilet

4) Oh God- you must hate me tonight cuz now I’ve got to clean that up and I’ll puck too

5) “Yes- I’ll get the flashlight”  Brain- because the 101 fever isn’t telling me your throat looks bad anyway

6) How the HELL is he sleeping through this?

Now I still pull my sick babies in my bed and cuddle them to unleash the super power.  Ladies we have so few- we need to throw them around whenever possible.  Our Super Powers have a direct correlation with- if the parasites take care of us when we’re old.  I’m looking forward to getting kicked out of the old folks home for lewd behavior just to hear their argument on who has got to keep me 🙂

When they were little cuddling them up in my bed was wonderful. We had a king sized bed and they took up just a little room.  I would tuck them in, cuddle them up, and we would all sleep. (Well at least try between the sick whining).  Recently something has changed I wasn’t expecting- my children aren’t so little anymore. They are or are close to full size adults.  The small portion they used to take now is a full twin size.  This wouldn’t be so bad except I now have to sleep in the middle.  I call these nights – “The Mama Sandwich”  I now spend these nights slammed between my cuddling husband and a sick child.  This equals long nights of sweating because of my own child personal radiator, rearranging of towels for maximum protection, and sleeping in “the wet spot” from the cool washrag that fell off his head and landed under my shoulder.   My favorite part of the whole Mama Sandwich experience is that- now the love of your life, who has successfully managed to snore through the previous 5 hours of sickness, now wakes up “happy” cuz your are sleeping too close. He rolls over and says- “Why are they in here?”  My last answer was my favorite “Well because at 2 am I decided to wake the child up, stick my finger down his throat, make him work out so he was radiating heat, so that instead of being the standard Mama Sandwich I could be a Grilled Mama sandwich- it’s obviously been my life’s dream”  After a little giggling and checking the radiators temperature and thinking we were on the uptake-  the next one shows up and says the dreaded “Mama I don’t feel good”.  Oh well – I guess the Grilled Mama Sandwich is back on the menu. 

 

 

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