Damn the Torpedo’s

Aside Posted on Updated on

I’m having a crisis of conscience.  

I come from a very long line of what I call “Southern Church Women”.  If you are from the south you know many of these God fearing women.  They are at the church every time the doors are open, pray for everyone daily, make food for everyone for any little issue, know their hairdressers entire family tree, and have their own permanent seat in every grieving room at the funeral home.  They also have the scariest “misbehaving in church face” known to man.  They can make an entire row of teenagers behave with a mere glance. They have made more Gospel Bird (fried chicken for those not from the south) and casseroles for other people in their lives than most women have cooked dinner for their own family.  

What’s even more fascinating about these women is their complete knowledge of their church family and their lives.  These women know more information about what’s going in the church family than many do their own husbands.  Trust me- the US government doesn’t need to fund the NSA, FBI, or CIA- they just need to turn loose 5 Southern church women in every church and mosque in the US. Within a week they will know everyone’s name, children’s names, family lineage, rough income, and absolutely everything going on in that family and all of it’s dynamics. 

Because of this ability they are usually accused and considered gossips. In our world today of keeping everything close to the vest- gossiping has gotten a bad wrap. Gossips are considered nosy busy bodies who are just trying to be in everyone’s business.  In these women’s defense they aren’t really, nor do they consider they are, gossiping – they are just trying to figure out exactly who they should lift up (that means pray to those of you not familiar with the lingo) to God that day.  I’m pretty sure if you’re not being lifted up by at least 2 southern church women a week you can’t get past St Peter into Heaven. St Peter will say “Oh- I’m sorry Sally- We only take admittance after you have had 3 casseroles made and 7 prayers said from Ms. Wallace”  I have had three babies (yes that gets you food too) and used to misbehave regularly in my youth so I am pretty sure I have me my quota with at least 10 women now so I should be covered.  Phew!! 

The reason these women know everything, cook casseroles, pray daily, and show up at the funeral home regularly is there best quality of all. They take care of each other and everyone else if you will let them.  If they know something about you or your family member that could be disruptive they will usually just tell you the truth – even when it’s not pleasant.  Because they seem so sweet most people think they would never say anything that might hurt you, but the truth is sugar coating just isn’t in their wheel house.  Now I am by no means saying they will ever hurt you on purpose- that’s never their intent. There intent is to help you. They just never got the memo on how to tell you bad news with a buffer.  They typically raise their children with a mentality of “yes it’s gonna hurt- just pull the band-aid off anyway” so that’s how they give info.  There’s no build to it, there’s not sandwiching (good,bad,good)  they just pull the band-aid off and damn the torpedo’s. 

So – back to by crisis of conscience. Because I was raised this way I have a tendency to feel the same.  Now, much to my mothers heart break, I did not get the show up at church every time the doors are open gene (I get lifted up a lot) and I haven’t picked out my funeral home seat yet.  However, I did get the cooking people dinner gene and the worst one of all – I feel I should tell them gene. Now most of the time it’s OK because I try not to know much information.  I have learned on most occasions that ignorance is bliss.  With the parasites getting older and into their teenage years I am learning now that I know much more information that I am really prepared or want to know.  I get a lot of “Mom- did you see this tweet or MOM- can you believe they did this?” concerning other teenage behavior. Teenagers have a tendency to not be so bright – so- the question of the hour is do you tell the people that care about these other teenagers or not? 

HMMMM- it’s a hard question.  Since I have always just had the band aid ripped off- I would always want to know if it was mine. I am fully aware they are teenagers and are going to do stupid things. I want to be able to guide them through the trials of teenage stupidity with preferably as much information on their stupidity as possible.  I usually wish I could live the ostrich life and hide my head in the sand, but I just can’t get my head in that tiny little hole.  I feel I should tell these other parents, but do I want to be labeled as that busy body who is invading their space?  I don’t feel like I am invading their space- I just care about them and do not want to see them hurt, but the world has changed so much and usually kids are in control. We talk a lot about “it takes a village”, but most parents don’t really want the village in their business.

In the world I was raised if I had done anything even remotely near the things I am seeing and hearing my mama would of known within mere minutes.  Those good ole church women would of told her and damned the torpedo’s.  She would of given me the misbehaving in church look, handled the stupidity with a firm hand, and I would of been all the better for it.  

Oh for the days!!!!  



One thought on “Damn the Torpedo’s

    Greg Tallant said:
    March 18, 2014 at 4:04 pm

    Get your butt to church (says your friend, the priest!) 🙂

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