#why
The Big Black Hole………
As I age, I am more convinced than ever that the basic human condition really all comes down to a few things. We all ride around on this big ole blue ball named Earth, circling the sun, which in turn is circling a big black hole (just the term “big black hole” is almost as scary as the monkey bats in Wizard of Oz) Just think about that – a giant hole which sucks you in and nothing, including light, can escape. The only thing I can think of to compare to that in the real world is maybe my laundry room. That evil place in every home that sucks you in and if your not careful will bury you in dirty towels and underwear never to be seen from again. If you don’t have teenage boys you might not truly understand the fear of being buried in dirty underwear, but trust me here- it’t terrifying!!
Oops- rambling again…. Back to the human condition or at least my opinion on the subject (yes I know all about opinions and assholes so I guess you can say “I’m showing mine”) 🙂
So we are all riding around in this cosmic beach ball party trying to figure out in the simplest of terms “why and how long” we are here.
What I find fascinating about humans is the abundance of ways we come to justify the “why” Our answers to the why are as diverse as our skin color, origin, etc etc (basically any of those things covered in the “don’t be an asshole” amendment) We need the “why”! Having a justification of our existence seems to be the only thing that makes sense of the daily drudgery of getting out of bed (much less getting dressed). There just has to be a reason- it can’t all be for naught. We need a purpose, we need a direction (some seem to be going in a circle, but that’s a whole different blog), we need a basic rationale to keep floating around the universe.
In my experience, by middle age, most have not only “found” that justification, but have called in the cement truck and not only mortared that baby shut- many (not all) have now moved on to the “this is the only legit way to believe” phase. That chapter of development where any new idea is a threat and scarier than an eternity swimming in dirty underwear so even considering the other side of a debate is just a “no-no”.
This is the stage I fondly refer to as the “Show your ass on Social Media” phase. These are the people who spend all day posting their “beliefs” on social media just looking for a fight or trolling for things they disagree with to insult or say “you’re stupid”. This makes me contemplate the idea of imagining we all walked around society with our beliefs tattooed to our heads (or stapled for those I would enjoy doing that sort of thing to) just looking for a fight? Imagine how this would limit us on who we met and how we interacted with other humans- yet we do it everyday on social media without a thought.
The amount of friendships that have ended over a Social Media exchange of idea’s is as mind blowing to me as the idea of floating around in a giant beach ball party. I don’t have any friends who believe “exactly” the same as I do on any topic – and to me – that’s what makes it fun. I can disagree and still not think “you’re stupid- an ass maybe, different yes, but not stupid” Just imagine this concept- everyone walking or scrolling right on by or better yet- not saying intentionally extremely controversial things in the first place.
Everybody knows a few people in this phase. Many of these people we actually love. Many of these people in any other setting are delightful humans. Granted some people come out the womb as a jackass, but for many it seems to be much easier behind a smartphone or computer. Somehow they feel the anonymity of the environment. It always makes me want to scream “NEWS FLASH- your name is on it dumb-ass and just because most CHOOSE not to argue doesn’t mean they agree or really even care what you think” You’ll have about as much luck changing my view with a social media post as I do of going a day with no dirty laundry.
(yes I know I write a blog, but yet- I don’t think anyone really cares what I think on a daily basis- well except my southern mother who is really only worried I’ll say a “bad” word- I just say it to get it off my chest and give the hubby a break)
Now I’m as guilty as any on occasion (some days during football season my social media looks like the ramblings of a lunatic- if the shoe fits – wear it proudly) I even have friends that politely do what is called “block” me” for 4 months a year and to each his own- I love her anyway! If she doesn’t wanna hear “I know kids in kindergarten who tackle better” who am I to say she’s wrong. She’s not wrong- she just doesn’t care anymore than I care about who you are not voting for in the presidential election or who you want – or don’t want – to pee with!!! I’ve formed my own opinions and hearing yours is really irrelevant to me- but to each his own…..
So back to the “why” of the human condition…..
The answers to the “why” are as multi colored as the cosmic beach balls and much more personal. They have been created by each of our own experiences. We each wake up in the morning with our own motivations, beliefs and directions. What we need to remember is they are ours and ours alone. If you feel the need to change mine then do you really believe your own? It’s always at least a good question to ponder……………
So til next time when we’ll look at the “how long” and ponder the benefits of my favorite new philosophy which I am adopting from my friend of “Everyday’s my birthday and every night is New Year’s Eve”. The hubby will be so pleased……………………………… 🙂
Cuz I said so!!
Everyone has lofty ideal’s when they start out on the joyful journey of parenthood. We all spend the 9 months of pregnancy excited and looking forward to this little bundle of joy which we will love and cherish. We will not and I repeat not say the things our parents said or do some of the things our parents did we did not like. We will negotiate and work out our differences with our children- they will be brilliant right?? . We will hug them and tell them we love them when they misbehave- they will be brilliant right? We will talk and have intelligent conversations with them- they will be brilliant right?
Then the inevitable happens and the child is born. Within the first year you start to have a sneaking suspicion the child may not be brilliant. You spend the whole year working with the child and the first word they truly understand and can say is “NO” and they have no intention of negotiating with you at all. You struggle with trying to explain: that’s dangerous, that’s hot, that’s bad, that’s scary, that will break etc etc etc. The child still looks at you steadfastly and says “NO”. After the negotiations fail you resort back to the tried and true method of – OK I’m bigger than you so I will just move you. This method works every time and you start to think- hmmm- maybe those who have done this before me, might of been on to something 🙂
As they grow they learn new words and start to use your words against you. I was a parent who never spoke baby talk to my children. My eldest was about 2 when we were standing in the grocery store check out line. He had been sitting in the cart through the whole shopping experience and was just about at the end of any 2 year old’s patience limit. He pointed at the ground and said “down”. I said “No” so he pointed again and said “Down” in a more forceful manner. I again said “No” at which point my two and 1/2 year old looked at me and said “Down- mommy that’s not negotiable” Now the negotiable was a little garbled, but hey- I got the point. He stayed in the cart, but I realized he was smart. He wasn’t smart in the way I had expected- more in the way I dreaded.
This new found child intelligence turns quickly into the “WHY” stage. Now for those parents who have not survived the “Why” stage yet- get ready because you will shortly find yourself saying things you never ever expected. The “Why” stage sneaks up on you. As a parent you have spent the last 3 to 4 years teaching this little being who you made all about the world. This little fat faced toddler now thinks you are the most brilliant human on the planet and know everything. My favorite conversation every went something like this:
Chid: Mom- Why does that man have a chainsaw in his truck?
Me: Because he was cutting down a tree (perfectly good explanation- I thought)
Child: Why was he cutting down a tree?
Me: Because it was probably dead (I think I’m doing well)
Child: Why was it dead?
Me: Because some bugs eat trees and they die (OK- now we’re teaching)
Child: Why do they eat trees?
Me: Because just like us they need energy and have to eat
Child: Why? Why? Why?
After the next few why’s and my explanations of each I found myself trying to explain a bugs circulatory system to a 4 year old. Right then and there I learned that sometimes a perfectly acceptable answer is “Just cause”
After the why stage their intelligence suddenly turns into the most evil kind of all. At about 8 to 10 they now have the skills to out negotiate you!! They ask to do something and you say “NO”. They then look at you, with that 4 year old cherub face (which they’ve mastered now) and say “Why?” Being the intelligent parent, who wants to always be reasonable, you spend about 4 to 5 minutes giving them many valid reasons for your decisions. Then something terrifying happens!!! That child- who until now thought you were the smartest person in the world- turns into Matlock, Ally McBeal, and Jack McCoy all rolled into one. He could now, at 9 years old, get a job in any court room in the land. He’s arguments are brilliant, valid, and worst of all – better than yours. You try to negotiate, but somewhere around 30 minutes in you realize by the smirk on the little shits face- you are beaten.
This is when you learn the most important and tried and true lesson of parenthood that has been passed from generation to generation. This lesson is painful to learn because it goes against EVERYTHING you believed while you carried them and changed their cute little diapers. It is a beautifully simple statement with no negotiations possible. They hate it because it seems sooo unfair. A perfectly good explanation to any child’s question is “BECAUSE I AM YOUR MOTHER AND I SAID SO!!”
REDS WORLD TODAY 