Don’t Get Stuck In The Mud

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Well here I am again sitting and staring at a blank screen trying to decide what to write. My mind is a jumble of random things going round and round in circles at light speeds. This is causing a convoluted string of aimless idea’s with no actual direction or purpose.

Soooo my idea for today’s blog is just to run with them and see where they go.  Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s scary, but that’s why there is a delete and draft button.

So here goes:

1) While trying to get a parasite out of the bed this morning I used the age old method of jumping up and down on their bed and singing at the top of my lungs (everyone sing along) “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine” to which the loving little darling yelled “MOM – You are the most annoying mom EVER!” to which I smirked and replied “Yep and it takes a special skill set!”  If they can say “mom” on average of 1 million times a day- jumping on their bed in the morning is definitely fair play.

2) I really want a Southern woman emoji- (for us old people emoji’s are the little smiley faces we use on the internet) There just isn’t a good one for me out there.  I see them that do a little bit of everything, but can someone tell me why there isn’t one with horns holding up a crooked halo?  Let’s face it – who other than a Southern woman can party with you on Saturday night and still get up and go to church on Sunday morning to make mommy happy.  It’s a skill set and we deserve a least a stupid emoji to symbolize our accomplishments.

3) Who decided it was a brilliant idea to put roundabouts in the South.  Come on now- we can barely do four way stops correctly and now you want us to learn roundabout etiquette? Is there even roundabout etiquette? If there is – how does it work?  If you look at the large roundabouts in the world such as Washington DC and London it doesn’t look like there is an etiquette.  It looks like everyone got drunk and decided to drive in circles.  HMMM- maybe we will be o.k with roundabouts.  We know how to drink and drive big ole trucks with big ole tires around in circles. I have the solution- just fill all the roundabouts with mud and we southerns will be just fine!

4) I tried to do a little math this morning and realized math can be scary. I hadn’t cleaned out my personal email box in a few days and decided it was getting out of hand and it was just that time.  Just like most people I get a lot of junk email.  If I ever need Viagra, fill the need to give my money away to scam artist is Africa, or look for a job in New York -I am ALL set.  Sometime I wonder how they even get my email.  It does’t really matter after you get burned once by a hacker you learn quick.  If I’m not expecting it and you want me to open an attachment on an email EVER – I would suggest you either call me or email me without one first.  So I tried to add up the amount of time I spent cleaning out my junk email a week and got some decent number and then multiplied it by 52 for a year and got a little bothered.  If I took that number and multiplied it by the amount of years I might be expected to live and it became a scary number.  I am going to spend an inordinate amount of time doing something very meaningless and then I realized I had spent 10 minutes doing a stupid math problem.  Darn it- I want that time back!!

Where there is your daily glimpse into the scary world of navigating my brain. It’s random and a little odd, but who wants to be normal? We are all made up of assorted differing thoughts running around in circles through our brains. Sometimes they work together and sometimes they just get in the way.  Imagine how boring the world would be though if we all thought in straight lines. Straight lines do not bend or deviate from a path. Straight lines have no imperfections.  Us humans have flaws and inadequacies that force us to giggle at the roundabouts of life. The trick is to not get stuck in mud.

And I Thought It Was Just A Normal Day?

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I woke up this morning and was convinced it was just another Friday.  I woke up the kids, sent them to school and sat down to drink my coffee before starting my very normal crazy work day. As I flipped through the TV I learned it was a double holiday.  I had NO idea I was missing out on another one of these made up useless holidays, much less a two for one.  This one is even more confusing than the made up Hallmark Holiday of Valentines Day is to men.

Today is National PI Day and International Sleep Day.  Now you did read correctly – I said National Pi Day,  I could understand National Pie Day or even National Hug an Engineer Day, but PI.  How is one supposed to celebrate a number- Much less a non whole number?  How exactly do you celebrate 3.14159?  Do we sing “Jenny- I’ve got your number” and change the lyrics to 3.14159, do we eat 3.14159 percent of a pie, do we just get the calculator out and just do random math problems??  I am so confused!!  

Adding in International Sleep Day to this made up holiday does help me make sense of this- a little.  I understand sleep and especially the fact I never get enough.  I KNOW how to celebrate sleep!! It consists of curling up in sweats, crawling in my bed, closing my eyes, and yelling to the kids “I SAID BE QUITE-  I AM TRYING TO TAKE A NAP” a hundred times. I understand how to celebrate sleep, but my little darling parasites seem to have been confused on mommy sleep celebrations since before coming out of the womb.

I have decided the best thing we can do when the world throws us ridiculous holidays is to roll with it now.  Especially when they make it two-fer.  I am going to get in my sweats, crawl in my bed with the calculator, do some random math, and take a 3.14159 day nap.  See ya St Paddy’s Day while I pick a four leaf clover and drink green beer!!