#manipulative

MMN (Manipulative Mom’s News)

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breaking news

Life Lessons I’ve Learned in Quarantine………………….

  • My House is a mess and probably always will be and it is obviously NOT because I don’t have time- it’s a choice I made to live by the Moto “Dull women have immaculate houses and honey I’m any thing but dull”
    • shhh- I’ve learned the right time to remind the hubby of his love for my exceptionalism might not be while he’s vacuuming.. oops
  • Changing PJ’s once a day saves a ton of time on laundry- BONUS!
  • My parasites (children for those nicer than me) are ridiculously spoiled and have absolutely NO ability to see anything out of place unless specifically pointed out. (of course see #1 this could be my fault)
  • My backyard gardening game is starting to be on par with my Grandmothers (God Bless their souls)
  • My life long aversion to animal print was all explained in 6 hours watching Netflix and I would never of guessed that I would ever want to answer my phone with “Hey all you cool cats and kittens” just for fun, but here we are……
  • I admire many many people on Social Media for having much more faith in their fellow human beings than I do..
    • New World Order my ass- we can’t even agree on the one we have…… ūüôā Conspiracy theories don’t scare me -they make me laugh.¬† ¬†The only thing I believe with certainty after 51 years is….if more than 3 people know a secret it’s no longer a secret unless 2 of those are dead.¬† Just the fact that most conspiracy theories would have to consist of many many people to pull off takes them out the realm of reality for me.¬† NO way that many people could agree much less stay quite without running their mouths, but I do appreciate others ability to have that kind of faith in your fellow man.
  • I haven’t read enough comic books or watched near enough movies to actually believe in Super Villains.
    • Are there bad guys in the world- absolutely! Are there evil people in the world – absolutely! Serial Killers with zero empathy come immediately to mind.¬† But there is NO SUCH thing in the real world as a James Bond Super Villain.¬† No one lives in a hollowed out Volcano with an army of minions. Super Villains are made up creations by a FICTION writer to entertain you.¬† Again- would take toooooo many other people and see previous non faith in my fellow man

I don’t scare easily, but I watched a very scary documentary the other night called “After Truth”.¬† ¬†It is basically the premise of the ease of developing 100% fake information and how quickly it can be populated through social media and even scarier show up on actual news channels on occasion .¬† The scary part was the average Americans on BOTH sides of the divide giggling and admitting how easy it is to manipulate us- the more sensationally crazy with or without a kernel of truth the better .¬† This was Americans and doesn’t even include the foreign governments that we proven are in the game to divide us and cause mistrust.

It got me thinking (yes I know kinda scary) If it’s this easy to manipulate us and there doesn’t have to even be a kernel of truth then I’ve gotten off my game.¬† I’m gonna start a new blog that looks like an actual valid news site, but with important headlines sent to my hubby and parasites such as…..

“Statistics show Husbands and Children which don’t pick up their laundry and put it in the hamper will develop hearing loss”

“Dishes left in the sick cause pimples”

“Research proves dirty socks put in hamper as balls will shrink testicles”¬†

“Husbands with more than 3 items on their honey do lists will be nagged” – oh never mind that one has some truth ūüôā

So watch out for MMN the CRAZY new news outlet coming soon to a Social Media Site near you- please feel free to share.¬† If we’re gonna be this easily manipulated shouldn’t it at least be the same way it’s been for thousands of years – Manipulative Mom’s News……………………………

There’s always “The One”

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We hear about “the one” a lot in life. ¬†“The one” perfect person, soul mate, friend, job, house, outfit and on and on. ¬†We spend most of our life waiting or searching for that perfect “The One”. ¬†I’m not sure I believe in “the one” in most of those circumstances. ¬†I know some do find it early, but I think most of us have many many “One’s” over our life times. ¬†These “one’s” fill different spaces and needs as our lives progress through the craziness.

I only started to believe in “The One” after this long insane ride through motherhood. ¬†If you have multiple parasites (or those wonderful little creatures who you gave birth too) you will understand my version of “The One”. ¬†My version is “That Child”

This “one” hits you right between the eyes- you weren’t waiting, or expecting, or probably even wanting it to come. ¬†It’s “that child” who was born with the innate ability to push every button you have until your head starts to spin like the Exorcist, you scream, threaten, and in general look like you should be committed to the asylum at any second. ¬†The amazing thing is that this child (who has accomplished this monumental feat of turning you into The Wicked Witch of the West) now stands looking at you confused. ¬†He has even said in these volatile moments “Wow mom- Why are you so mad?” ¬†I’m not sure if he really is dumb enough to not know or if I he believed somehow in that hollow head that this would help. Needless to say- either way- WRONG!¬†

The first two parasites I birthed did not come out of the womb with this skill. ¬†They were pretty good at listening, minding, not arguing and in general not making moms head explode. ¬†Maybe that is why I thought having a third seemed like a brilliant idea. ¬†Note to self- more children than adults – never a brilliant idea!! The older parasites have their moments, but they are fewer and much farther between. They now sit and watch “the one” with faces of astonishment at – what they call -stupidity. ¬†

Now “the one” also came with a built in survival skill set. ¬†I believe God put him all together and looked and said “oh my, she may kill him before he’s grown so we may need to make him funny” ¬† Well they may of overdone it, but he IS funny. ¬†He uses his humor to convince perfectly normal adults to protect him when he turns me into the raging lunatic. When he was little he could wrap an entire room of adults around his finger in about 30 seconds flat. Now this would be great, but after he accomplished the feat he would walk up to an adult call them a fart knocker and smirk at me. I would get up to punish the child and most adults would hide him while laughing and say “Now Val, he’s just so cute and funny” ¬†OK- just cause he’s cute he still can’t call adults fart knockers. (NO I STILL DON’T KNOW WHERE HE EVEN LEARNED FART KNOCKER) ¬†

He can be stubborn, argumentative, loud, difficult, manipulative, never gives up, never forgets, funny and is the baby. ¬†Basically all of my husbands and my own traits that drive me bat shit nuts all rolled up into one package of my insanity. ¬†Basically “The One” is “That Child” that shows you your own strengths and weaknesses magnified by 1000 every day. ¬†Remember when your parents cursed you with “I hope you have to pay for your raising” Yep you guessed it – that’s “THE ONE”¬†