When I set out on my adventure of blogging it was just for me. I needed a place to ramble and get some of my stupid idea’s off my chest. After about a million years of marriage the hubby is tired of hearing them all the time and the parasites have reached the ages where I’m now the dumbest woman alive and very little I say is ever worth listening. The most confusing part though is they enjoy reading them?? I had the thought that maybe I should go mute and write everything on my tablet and pass it around, but I am convinced they would just learn to hit delete then too. Maybe there eyes will absorb more than their ears until their brains come back or they at least think mine did. If it is based on my experience- maybe when they’re 25.
I’ve learned one of the great things about writing this blog is that I am not alone in my insanity. There are more people out there like me or at least people who enjoy roaming around in my brain and seeing the strange humor for 15 minutes a day. When I started to write my mama and one of my friends (whose brain is usually in more of overdrive than mine) were my main points of inspiration. I would talk to them on the phone for 15 minutes a day. Every time I hung up I had a new blog. My mama finally said one day as I started to laugh- “Crap- You’re gonna use that aren’t you? I should just quit talking now” (crap is the worst word she can muster-good southern church women only say shit if a bomb went off next to them and then it can be questionable)
Now something very cool (or scary depending on how you want to look at it) is starting to happen. People have now started to send me in idea’s to write. I’ve always had great friends, but how cool is that? They read an interesting article that could be considered controversial and BAM- I get a “hey- you might wanna write on this topic. I think you could make it entertaining.” One- I love they think I could make it entertaining and two- yeah I don’t have to think as hard today. It also helps me keep my brain roaming around with a million idea’s for days to come. FYI- thanks for the sleep deprivation when my brain is still writing at 2 am too.
One such article was sent to me by a friend the other day that my brain just requires me to spout my brand of nonsense.
This article was from New York Daily News on March 30th. It is about the grief that Susan Patton, one of the first female Princeton graduates in 1977, received after writing a letter to the editor in The Daily Princetonian. This article outraged many women rights advocates because she basically gave women the advice to find their husband on campus before they graduate. Being me and a little crazy I immediately had to go find this article and read it in it’s entirety. I have a daughter growing up and wanted to see if any of this was good advice.
Now the premise of her letter to the editor does have some merit for those of us who actually live in reality land. Granted most people want to live in Politically Correct land where we all can be anything, have it all, and always have rainbows and sunshine coming out of our asses. She never tells women not to chase their professional dreams nor does she tell them not to pursue their goals. The premise of her letter is this:
1) We bombard young women with professional career advice while ignoring advice of a personal nature and the personal part of your life will be explicitly tied to their overall happiness.
2) As women age the amount of men who are their intellectual equals goes down and a woman can’t be happy with anyone who is not
3) They will never have this large of a Olympic sized pool of eligible bachelors again that are your intellectual equals to chose. Men as they age look for younger women so their pool gets larger and ours turn into kiddie pools.
Before the bounder sized rocks start whizzing by my head- she does have some valid points, but there’s a few flaws in her logic.
1) We do have a tendency today to bombard our daughters and young women with career and life advice that doesn’t include marriage and family. If they choose- marriage and family will be a huge part of their overall happiness and should be addressed. We spent the 70’s and 80’s singing that commercial jingle “I can bring home the bacon, Fry it up in a pan, and never ever let you forget you’re a man” I remember my generation grew up thinking that we could actually pull that crap off. When I say crap- I mean crap. We wanted it all and we thought we could pull it off. She went to work, came home and looked like a super model cooking dinner and obviously still had a happy husband- I could do that!! Then the reality set it- the jingle was WRONG!! Once you throw in kids to that equation it should have sounded like this “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, change the diapers, drive to practice, do the homework, give baths, and never ever let you forget you’re a man” That is not a liberated woman- that’s a frazzled, overworked, sleep deprived, mess of a life! Yes teaching our daughters about how to balance their professional and personal lives is important. We should be teaching them they can have it all. We should just change the definition of a liberated woman. A liberated woman is not one who can do it all- A truly liberated woman is one who doesn’t have to do it by themselves.
2) There is more to a marriage than just intellectual compatibility. I’m not saying it’s not important because I wouldn’t want to particularly live with someone who was dumb as mud, but some might. Many people marry for many reasons and none aren’t valid. There are also many types of intelligence. In the South we separate them into “book smarts” and “common sense” I have a cousin who is absolutely book smart brilliant, but has zero common sense. He can put together a multi-million dollar deal, but forgets where he parks his car and reports it stolen. I can’t put together a multi-million dollar deal, but I can usually find my car. Who is to say which form of intelligence is more valid or useful? As a matter of fact we are usually jealous of which ever we don’t have. If a successful marriage is about complimenting each other shouldn’t the extremely book smart person marry someone who has common sense. Wouldn’t it be wiser for the book smart partner to close his deals while the common sense partner finds the car? If not wiser- definitely easier. Humor is also a huge portion of long term compatibility. Raising your little parasites will be more challenging than anything you will ever do in your life unless you become President of the United States. That seems to be the only career path that ages people faster than raising children. If you can’t both learn to laugh together at the ridiculousness of what has become of your everyday life you will start to go mad. For several years those bouts of laughter you have together will be the more intimate than the quickies you have in the bathroom while the kids are watching cartoons. Pick the partner with traits that work for you and don’t be ashamed if it takes a few.
3) I understand what she’s saying about men wanting younger women, but I don’t think she’s giving near enough men near enough credit. She actually says in the article that men as they age are only looking for women who are pretty and we’ll settle for a little dumber than they are to accomplish the looks. Now I have had more men friends than women friends most of my life and for the record- THAT’S JUST NOT TRUE!! The only women who believe that are women who have very few men friends. Those are the scary women my friends used to date that only had female friends. Their idea’s on how men think are a convoluted mess of too many nights of wine sitting around with women complaining. There are no more superficial men that are only looking for that in a partner than there are superficial women only looking for money. Guess what- those people usually end up together and get what they deserve. Would you really want that man anyway? Let the superficial be superficial together. Most men truly want just a few things in a partner. They want a partner who is confident and secure in themselves. They want a partner they can relate too. After a certain age men don’t even change their clothing style since they were in high school so they certainly don’t want to learn a whole new generation. They want a woman to need their strength even if it is something as simple as to take out the trash. They want to not think too much. The best wedding advice I was ever given was simple and clear and still rings true to 90% of the men I have met in my life. Men are simple creatures and if you want to keep them happy do three simple things . Be a kind mama in the kitchen, a funny sister on the couch and slut in the bedroom and don’t confuse the three. If you can pull those few simple things off and weren’t hit by every branch of the ugly tree on the way down they don’t care if you’re 20 or 60 and will do their best to keep you happy too. If they can’t appreciate and respect those skills- let em go find the gold digger. You just keep on saying NEXT cause I promise eventually one will!
I applaud Susan Patton saying the absolutely non politically correct because I think her heart was in the right place. She wants women to bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan and never forget he’s a man. She wants them to have it all, but she’s a generation behind is why everyone went nuts. I want my daughter to have it ALL! I want her to be liberated in the truest sense of the word. I want her to do what makes her happy! If she wants to have a career then be liberated enough to choose to stay single or to choose a partner who will assist her in life and respect her for her strengths and compliment her weaknesses. I want her to be liberated and confident in herself to know that partner will come along and her believe she’s a hell of a catch when he does and be liberated in her decision to raise a family if she chooses
Isn’t that what all women have been fighting for all these generations? It’s not just equal pay, equal job opportunities, or even equal benefits. True liberation means true equality to make our own decisions and be respected for them all. Now that I’m done bringing home the bacon- I’m gonna do what generations of women before me have done and go pull off my bra through my sleeves, put on comfy cloths, fry up the bacon, and remind my husband he never ever should let me forget I’m a woman. That’s what true equality means to me!!
As I travel through life I am continually amazed at the things I see parents do and hear them say. I understand that cultures, priorities, ideas and techniques change with time. However; that doesn’t always mean for the better. An example of a good change that’s valid and smart is the change to smaller family sizes. If you ran a farm and needed free labor, a large family was appropriate. As our culture has changed away from farming and (you now have to support the parasites) having fewer of them makes perfect sense. The changes in parenting today where most adults allow their children to rule their world I just don’t understand. Whoever decided it was a bright idea to give the reigns to a child – well let’s just say I try not to use that language often.
I always had a rule when mine were little and they fell that I didn’t get out of my chair if they were crying for at least 30 seconds. Needless to say I always got dirty looks and looks of amazement from other mothers as I sat there while they cried. These mothers typically jumped every time their child made a noise. I guess they thought that if I didn’t validate every cry my children would grow up to be mass murderers. It was amazing how quickly you learn they are much more self reliant than they appear. 9 out of 10 times when they looked around and realized no one was freaking out or coming to their rescue- they got up, dusted off, and went about their business. Children do not need to be validated and told outright lies at every turn. A small 4 inch fall for a toddler is not life threatening and doesn’t need to be validated with “I’m so sorry’s” and “you have a boo-boo” I was usually that mean mama you heard saying “Suck it up- you’ll be fine” You know what- they sucked it up and so far no mass murderers. I’ll never say never, but so far so good!
Why are parents so afraid to actually say – no child you’re not good at that- when if they don’t society will be sure to make it so abundantly clear? My mama always said “When God closes a door he opens a window” so why cant we tell them to find their window? Oh I know- because society now is supposed to be a land of sunshine and flowers where we all have rainbows coming out of our asses. Last time I had a rainbow coming out of my ass I think I was in my twenties and was having way too good of a time! I guess we are all supposed to live in a permanent drug trip where there is no reality. Guess what- society has never and will never be the land of the perfect. I guess if you need a job done you’ll continue to pay and allow someone who is horrible at it to continue so you don’t hurt their feelings?? You know- we all love paying for services not rendered. Why would you allow your child to continue to pursue something that is obviously not their strong suit. Don’t look at it through parents rose colored glasses and spoon feed them a reality that 9 times out to 10 they even know isn’t true- They aren’t stupid either. Teach them to accurately access their strengths and weaknesses and pursue accordingly. If you have a sick need for them to live with you forever- then by all means- praise away. I wanted them out of my body at the end of pregnancy and want em out of my house at their beginning of adulthood. Isn’t that written in the laws of nature somewhere??
No wonder our bubble wrapped, entitled, and self absorbed youth is having a problem and falls apart at the slightest challenge. No parent allows them to actually have a challenge or if they do- let’s blame someone else. That’s the new parenting game- let’s complain, sue, and fight their battles. Let’s do absolutely everything for them- except teach them how to be self reliant and ready for life. I’m not saying there are never times to validate, but there’s a point when it’s no longer validation and becomes self indulgence.
In parenting my own parasites I have always, in no uncertain terms, made them aware of:
1) your father and I were here first- you get an opinion after ours
2) No- you will never have nicer cars or phones than those of us who work
3) If an adult tells me something and you tell me something – the adult will always win
4) You can try it, but you must finish the season- even if you’re not good
5) We are all not good at everything, so if you’re not- we’ll move on and find something you are
6) Life’s not fair- nor is it ever gonna be
7) Yes I heard you and no I don’t care
I know most of these aren’t the popular or PC ways of parenting and nor do I care. If you don’t like it you can do as I tell me kids- Suck it up- you’ll be fine!!