As I travel through life I am continually amazed at the things I see parents do and hear them say. I understand that cultures, priorities, ideas and techniques change with time. However; that doesn’t always mean for the better. An example of a good change that’s valid and smart is the change to smaller family sizes. If you ran a farm and needed free labor, a large family was appropriate. As our culture has changed away from farming and (you now have to support the parasites) having fewer of them makes perfect sense. The changes in parenting today where most adults allow their children to rule their world I just don’t understand. Whoever decided it was a bright idea to give the reigns to a child – well let’s just say I try not to use that language often.
I always had a rule when mine were little and they fell that I didn’t get out of my chair if they were crying for at least 30 seconds. Needless to say I always got dirty looks and looks of amazement from other mothers as I sat there while they cried. These mothers typically jumped every time their child made a noise. I guess they thought that if I didn’t validate every cry my children would grow up to be mass murderers. It was amazing how quickly you learn they are much more self reliant than they appear. 9 out of 10 times when they looked around and realized no one was freaking out or coming to their rescue- they got up, dusted off, and went about their business. Children do not need to be validated and told outright lies at every turn. A small 4 inch fall for a toddler is not life threatening and doesn’t need to be validated with “I’m so sorry’s” and “you have a boo-boo” I was usually that mean mama you heard saying “Suck it up- you’ll be fine” You know what- they sucked it up and so far no mass murderers. I’ll never say never, but so far so good!
Why are parents so afraid to actually say – no child you’re not good at that- when if they don’t society will be sure to make it so abundantly clear? My mama always said “When God closes a door he opens a window” so why cant we tell them to find their window? Oh I know- because society now is supposed to be a land of sunshine and flowers where we all have rainbows coming out of our asses. Last time I had a rainbow coming out of my ass I think I was in my twenties and was having way too good of a time! I guess we are all supposed to live in a permanent drug trip where there is no reality. Guess what- society has never and will never be the land of the perfect. I guess if you need a job done you’ll continue to pay and allow someone who is horrible at it to continue so you don’t hurt their feelings?? You know- we all love paying for services not rendered. Why would you allow your child to continue to pursue something that is obviously not their strong suit. Don’t look at it through parents rose colored glasses and spoon feed them a reality that 9 times out to 10 they even know isn’t true- They aren’t stupid either. Teach them to accurately access their strengths and weaknesses and pursue accordingly. If you have a sick need for them to live with you forever- then by all means- praise away. I wanted them out of my body at the end of pregnancy and want em out of my house at their beginning of adulthood. Isn’t that written in the laws of nature somewhere??
No wonder our bubble wrapped, entitled, and self absorbed youth is having a problem and falls apart at the slightest challenge. No parent allows them to actually have a challenge or if they do- let’s blame someone else. That’s the new parenting game- let’s complain, sue, and fight their battles. Let’s do absolutely everything for them- except teach them how to be self reliant and ready for life. I’m not saying there are never times to validate, but there’s a point when it’s no longer validation and becomes self indulgence.
In parenting my own parasites I have always, in no uncertain terms, made them aware of:
1) your father and I were here first- you get an opinion after ours
2) No- you will never have nicer cars or phones than those of us who work
3) If an adult tells me something and you tell me something – the adult will always win
4) You can try it, but you must finish the season- even if you’re not good
5) We are all not good at everything, so if you’re not- we’ll move on and find something you are
6) Life’s not fair- nor is it ever gonna be
7) Yes I heard you and no I don’t care
I know most of these aren’t the popular or PC ways of parenting and nor do I care. If you don’t like it you can do as I tell me kids- Suck it up- you’ll be fine!!