Life Lesson’s Irreverent List- chapter 1
I’m going to say something very shocking for those of you who know me- I can be a little irreverent. Well OK maybe a lot! I don’t tend to be the disrespectful kind- I just usually see the humor in things that most people hold dear so some take it as callous. I’m actually too old to care most of time and since I’m getting older I don’t think it’s going to get much better. You know the old saying “F em if they can’t take a joke”- well that pretty much sums up my thought processes of the issue.
I see all of these list of 10 things etc etc going around so I figured why not do my own. I’ll never get it all done today in this blog because as life goes on we learn new things everyday!
Here’s what I’ve got so far:
1) People that are mushy and tooooo nice usually are full of ……!
I don’t think they mean to be, but for gods sake, please do not try to convince me you are that happy and gushy all the time! I have no doubt most of them “think” the same things I do, but don’t have the stones to say them. That’s OK- I have no problem if you are not comfortable saying them- just don’t judge me or think I’m callous because it “accidentally” slipping out of my mouth! You thought it too and if not well “Bless your heart”!!
2) Be proud and own the things you can’t live down anyway!!
I know this is shocking, but I’ve done some down right stupid things in my life! If you have long term friends and family you will be all too aware that they will NEVER let you live those stupid things down anyway so you might as well embrace em!! I accidentally slammed “my own head” in a car door in my 20’s (yes I was sober). I still hear about it at least once a year!! I have learned to bow and take my applause. Sometimes the stupid things we do make us memorable and memorable is always better than forgettable!!
3) Sometimes I know who NOT to vote for by whose yards their campaign signs are in
Everybody knows someone who falls into the category of “those” people. My definition of “those” people is very simple. They are always the people that have extreme views on everything and no tolerance for anything else. If they put a campaign sign in their yard- you can be darn tooting I will not be voting for that candidate! We investigate our candidates -sometimes I think candidates should be able to investigate the craziness of their supporters before they advertise it! 🙂
4) People who have no or very few friends- usually there’s a valid reason
This life lesson took some time and age to really sink into my brain!! I always had this empathetic need to be their friends. I felt like if only they could see that life was fun and enjoyable they would magically change their attitudes and become decent human beings. Guess what??? It NEVER freaking happens!! Miserable people want to be miserable people! Best advice I can give you is get out of their pig pen and let them wallow alone!! My granny always said “if you fly with the crows you get shot with the crows” well I’m changing it to “if you wallow with the miserable- you’ll need Prozac too”
5) Marriage is a wonderful institution for those of us who really need to be institutionalized!!
I hear all of these people saying “marriage is work” “marriage is a journey” etc etc I don’t think marriage is any of those. Marriage is simply a choice you both make everyday to be downright stubborn. Now I’m not saying you’re even gonna agree on the decision to stay married everyday cause trust me- you won’t. In 16 years of marriage we have had some humdinger arguments and we are probably still married only due to my husbands steadfast hard headedness. We are still here and most days I’m happy he can be a stubborn ass and he just knows I need to be institutionalized!! 🙂
I’m working on “Things I’ve learned during motherhood” so if you think I’m irreverent now- you ain’t seen nothing yet!!! 🙂