As I age the only thing that seems to be becoming abundantly clear is that everyday there are a new abundance of things that make me increasingly confused to where the only logical response I can muster is a giggle. Since I’ve heard of scientific studies…. (there are only a new 1000 that come out a day – so pick the one you like. My favorite is moms with big butts produce more intelligent children – that got a collective Hell Yeah from moms everywhere even though I’ve seen no evidence of it’s validity in any of my teens)
Oops rambling again… back to the scientific study that say our brains work like a filling system. I have started a new file which I labeled “Things that make me go hmmm” Now this new file is floating around up there somewhere in the -easy to access section – between the files of “70’s and 80’s commercial and TV jingles” and “useless celebrity knowledge I don’t wanna know and can’t forget” While the files of “My parasites names” (little cherubs most people call their children) and “Things I really need to do today” seem to be filed under the section – take your best guess cause we have no idea where it is right now.
So this new file seems to be filling up at a rapid pace and I better get a few on paper before my brain secretary (who seems to be passive/aggressive) accidentally moves it over to the middle aged section of “No idea why you came in to this room or where your car keys are” I have decided that file is in the darkest recesses of the basement covered in dust and impossible to access.
So as promised – here are a few of the things rambling around in my brain today that make me giggle and I hope you do too…….
- Why does McDonald’s only give out “Light” Mayo? If I was that worried about the fat content of the mayonnaise I probably wouldn’t be eating at McDonald’s in the first place. I would be cooking at home and eating a pan seared chicken breast cooked with no oil. If I’m ordering a big mac – not so much!! Now I do know they have healthy options now and that’s great, but I’m ordering a plain ole cheeseburger not a salad so give me my regular ole mayo. If I wanted “Light” I would’ve asked for it….
- Why can’t General Mills just make a bag of the rye chips in Chex Mix instead of making everyone dig through the bag like we’re digging for gold??? Surely they know that’s the whole reason we buy it!!!! Yes I know Gardetto’s does, but way to simple of an answer when I’m at home at 10 pm digging in the bag.
- When I watch the news I start to believe I may be the only person left in America who really could care less who sleeps with who as long as it’s not my husband??? All I keep asking myself is when did this become news in the first place (ie see file named useless celebrity knowledge I want to forget and can’t)
- Why can there be millions of educated Americans standing around, but any time the media needs an interview they find the one person who is a complete dumb-ass? I’m beginning to have a sneaking suspicion this skill is taught in journalism school under “How to dumb down American 101” (yes mom I know it’s a “bad word” so say an extra prayer, but sometimes they’re just needed- and look I used the correct “they’re”)
- Why can’t presidential candidates run on platforms I can really get behind. Screw the “NO new Taxes”, “Border walls” or “Planned parenthood” I want: “No more laundry- disposable clothing for all” or “Personal cooks for every household” Maybe I should run- I can see women being o.k. with more taxes for these priorities and hell you never know I just might win because If I am ever lost do not bother to put my face on a milk carton or even a wine bottle. You will have better luck with a box of Tide because I’m sure I’ll be buried under a mountain of dirty laundry somewhere!!
- Why can my parasites fix a truck, operate a smart phone, go to school, and in general be fully functioning humans, but the buttons on the oven, dishwasher, or washing machine and dryer be completely beyond their grasp. They actually stand there and stare like it’s a machine from outer space. I suspect there’s some serious deception going on that they learned from their grandfather…….. but I have no proof
- Why is there no Homer Simpson “Doh” emoji for parents of teenagers? This isn’t just needed it’s a requirement. Have you seen some of the dumb shit they do……
- Instead of the “like or comment” options on Social Media why can’t there be a “WE GET IT ALREADY” option. If anyone was confused about your political or religious beliefs before the first 100 you posted yesterday- I doubt the second 100 today are gonna make it any clearer….
- And my favorite- Why do people keep tagging me in things that imply I’m mean to my kids or a bitch? Oops- after reading back over my blog never mind- I get it- just don’t care 🙂
So there ya have it – the first edition of “Things that make me go hmmmm” I’m sure they’ll be another unless the secretary decides to let it get lost in the dark and dusty basement, along with the location of my car keys, middle aged brain. Here’s to hoping instead she lets it gets attached to the “My bologna has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R” I had no idea in my youth I was entering into a long term relationship with bologna, but that sucker’s embedded til death do us part!!