Breaking News at 11!!!!

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In today’s world truly being from the South has lost many of it’s meanings.  Today most people that live in the South are from other parts of the country. I understand the phenomena because if I had to live buried in snow 9 months of the year I would pack my bags and run faster than a hungry cheetah toward warm weather too.  Because of this plethora of what we in southern polite society call “Damn Yankee’s” (this is different than a normal yankee because these never leave) finding a person who can make a single syllable word sound as if it has more than 3 is almost as hard as finding that illusive needle in a haystack. We are still around it’s just we temper it more in public.  As one of my close friends says to me regularly “uh oh your southern is showing- did you spend time with your family today” to which I respond “Yeeeaaah maaaaybe a lettle too much”

Because these little southern society nuances are disappearing it always make me giggle and laugh when something just “hits me upside the head” (yes another southern term) and says “By Golly you do still live in the South”.  One of these little baseball bats came tonight.  As I sat and watched, oh just another mind numbing stupid entertainment TV show”, a ticker flashed across the bottom of my screen.  As my hubby and I read this ticker we both started to laugh. It said and I’m quoting “Breaking News at 11- Thief runs off with 10 foot rooster”.

Now for anyone who knows me understands that something this absolutely bizarre takes my brain by storm.  This is a situation my gray matter has never considered nor thought of so the implications and questions start before I can even help myself.  The things that start neuron explosions in my brain can be quite odd and even a bit scary.  As I sit with tears of laughter rolling down my face I begin to rapid fire them at the hubby. (He’s just so thrilled because this poor man lives with this insanity everyday)  I always start out innocent enough, but as I really get going my brain gets and evil streak that would make Betty White blush.

So this poor man who loves me gets to sit and hear questions such as:

Exactly how strong is this thief to run with a 10 foot rooster?  Is he Hercules because I’m pretty sure a 10 foot rooster is heavy

How do we know it was a thief and the yard bird didn’t wander out of his yard and he was just collecting it? This is the South and there are still people with yard birds

What does one do with a 10 foot rooster?  My family has eaten a whole lot of gospel bird (fried chicken for those of you not from here) in our lives and I’m not sure we’ve ever eaten that much

This is about when it all starts to go down hill……..

You know honey it could of only been better if they had of used the word “cock” instead. (Yes – cock is a perfectly acceptable word for rooster- get your mind out of the gutter with mine)

Why would you want a 10 foot cock in your front yard? Unless he does yard work then maybe

How exactly does a man run with a 10 foot cock? Maybe there’s “shrinkage”

Why exactly do you want a 10 foot cock?  I might have an answer for that

Where does one find a 10 foot cock? This is the age old question of women every where

Where do you hide a 10 foot cock? hmm- that kinda sounds uncomfortable

Can you shop for 10 foot cocks in your neighborhood pawn shop?  Now that might get interesting

Why would a man want to steal a 10 foot cock? Maybe he is a porn agent

The questions go on and on…….. until I’m a giddy fool and the husband is looking at me with that ever loving look of “for the love of god woman please shut up”

Well the news finally came on and the reality of a big ole metal rooster wasn’t near as fun as my imagination, but is reality ever as much fun or as bad as your imagination?? I can speak from experience, in my twisted mind, it isn’t so I’m going back in for more.

I’m dreaming it’s College football bowl season and the Oregon St Beavers are playing the South Carolina Gamecocks for the National Championship!  So until next time when we discuss the joys of that commentary…………………………….. 🙂

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