So yesterday I had another birthday! I got out of the bed, went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror and said “Wow- so this is what 46 looks like?” Since I was reflecting, I spent a few extra minutes and low and behold I noticed those new wrinkles and pounds I had been purposely avoiding. I had seen them, but I am convinced that avoidance is a perfectly acceptable way to get through middle age. I can’t avoid the creaks in my knee’s anymore so only just glancing in the mirror is really my new survival mechanism.
I wish I didn’t, but I remember like it was yesterday being a teenager and thinking 46 was ancient! I remember listening to Prince singing “Party Like It’s 1999” and thinking I would be soooooo old (32) when it turned to the year 2000. Now it’s 2014 and it amazes me because I’m sure if I had even thought about being this age I would of pictured myself in the nursing home. I see my parasites (children for those nicer than me) faces and remember how ancient they think I am now and it makes me giggle. I get that evil age smirk every now and then as my brain says “Yes my child- please believe I don’t know what your thinking so I can bust you just for fun!!”
My brain has a remarkable way of convincing itself most days that we are still just 15 with just a little more wisdom (other than hangover days when it screams loudly “you are 40 something honey-what were you thinking??” but I don’t think those really count cuz it did that when I was 15 too!)
Since I had decided to do a little reflecting I was sending my poor 15 year old brain into a tail spin. It was doing all sorts of somersaults of justifications, excuses, and it’s best trick avoidance. I refused to listen I just kept right on looking. As I noticed the deep wrinkles I laughed as I remembered the immortal words of Dolly Parton in Steal Magnolia’s “Time marches on and eventually you realize it’s marching across your face” Yep- there were those pesky boot prints of the army of time. God bless my 15 year old brain because it kicked in immediately. It decided we should make some faces and I realized most of my deepest wrinkles are laugh lines. I realized an array of smiles have crossed this face over 46 years. I decided I wouldn’t be depressed about laugh lines- they really should be celebrated. Maybe with Botox, but celebrated just the same.
When I got around to the extra pounds I decided to listen to my young brain immediately (it was nicer). For those of us that did not get smiled on young by the breast goddess a few extra pounds can do WONDERS! I am convinced that those babies are the first place a woman gains and loses weight. That old statement that most men like curvier women makes much more sense to me. I am convinced for every 20 pounds a woman gains it equals a bra size. Now I understand most men don’t even see the extra 20 pounds, just the new boobs! It gives a whole new meaning to “give em what they want”, but me and the brain are going with it!! I think about losing the pounds all the time, but then the dessert hits the table and my teenage with wisdom brain says “yes, but those go with em” and I eat the cake anyway. Hey- I could always be gaining because I was pregnant and another year older is always better than 3 months late any day!!
As I slide down the ramp of my 40’s and reflect in the mirror on this birthday, I realize more and more it seems to be all in your outlook of life. I can be depressed about the wrinkles or I can celebrate the army of laughs and emotions that have crossed my face. I can be sad about the body, which is changing daily, or I can relish in actually getting to buy a real bra size. I can be sad that my parasites see me as ancient or be excited that my brain actually knows what they are thinking and enjoy busting them and seeing their confused faces.
So as I stood there contemplating the years I realized the only thing I have truly learned in 46 years is that the truth is always just in your perspective and so stay happy and just make it up as you go along!!!