That’s My Job!

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There are divisions of labor in all facets of life.  At work the engineers design, the sales people sale, the project managers manage, the installer installs, the stocker stocks, and the cashier checks you out. In most companies, these positions don’t overlap and people get downright testy when you step over into their role.  Almost all conflicts in a business have to do with someone getting in and someone wanting them out of their world.  

Marriage is similar to business.  Every family does it differently, but we all have our divisions of labor.  As long as they are negotiated and both parties are content and there’s no bait and switch in the agreement then everything should be fine.  I was a simple lady and I hate bait and switch so before we were married I advised the love of my life that I never wanted to:

1) Touch Trash- ick

2)  Change Light bulbs- Yes I know it’s a little thing, but it just annoys me

3) Mow the grass and do lawn maintenance- it’s freaking hot in Ga

4) Take my car in for maintenance-  Those men lie to women

If I was going to have to do these things I saw no real reason to get married.  I had a daddy who would help me if I was sweet to him and eventually I could hire a 17 year old to do them for the view.  I will give him credit and I married good- cuz I haven’t done any of those yet

Now in exchange I said I would:

(Get your minds out of the gutter- that’s a whole different entry) 🙂

1) Do the Laundry- which I promptly hired someone to do

2) Do the Dishes- which I promptly didn’t do to his specifications so he demanded he do them

3) Do most of the day to day of the children- Damn he got me there!!!! 

When I made this deal- I thought I had this licked!  I had negotiated and pulled off the deal of the century.  I had this made and he was a sucker- Boy Howdy was I wrong!

Through the first infant – things were going great and my deal was solid.  I realized I had gotten out maneuvered after the 2nd child in 13 months was born.  The night I realized I shouldn’t ever be allowed to negotiate again was the evening about 2 am as I had a 2 week old and a 13 month old in my lap crying as the love of my life lay snoring. This night- I realized I had been had!!!

Now I am reminded everyday that you should never negotiate without understanding the full terms of the contract.  No one ever told me it had such clauses as:

1) All Children come to your side of the bed- even if you maneuvered it the farthest from the door

2) Bathrooms were made for audiences and the commode is just your stool for conversations

3) Getting children ready to go to school is a 3 hour morning ordeal

4) Philosophical questions are really hard to answer before coffee

5) Children only know your number when they forgot something

6) Taxi services for sports, friends, school, etc etc etc – require more hours a week than sex ever did

I’m glad there is no warning label or a true contract that allows negotiation before parenthood. There’s no way either party would ever agree to any of the stipulations.   However; once the parasites are here and you look at their little helpless, wrinkled faces you know you’ve been had and will probably never sleep again.  You believe it will get better as they age, but t doesn’t- because they just grow into much larger, deeper voice helpless parasites .  So when I’m dragging myself out of the bed at 5:30 am for his weight training and look over at the love of my life who’s still snoring and want to quietly strangle him – I don’t.  I remember – I negotiated this crappy contract and That’s my job!! 




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